Seasons

How do you react when winter ends? Sometimes it transitions peacefully and sometimes it's like, you wake up and all of a sudden it's a heat wave! You go to sleep with snow on the ground and wake up to birds chirping. Other times, it'll be snowy, then the next day a little warmer, then a little warmer, and finally you're in spring. And when you're in spring do you have grieve the snow? You don't see the snow anymore, right? Do you look at your winter coat and weep? Maybe. Maybe not.

I thought of this because it's been very difficult for me to come out of this last season. It's hard to experience (or, honestly, sometimes it's hard to want to experience) seasons of peace after you've come out of a season of pain. It's hard to start over or want to start over when you are bombarded by the thoughts and the memories. I've heard it said: From time to time, weep deeply over the losses in your life, and then, dry your eyes, wash your face, and move on - and I'd add: enjoy what you have now and what is soon to come! In some ways the last season was kind of comfortable...only because it was familiar. It was not necessarily a good season although I do have to say that I am a lot stronger than I have ever been or than I have been for a long time. I definitely went to a new level and it had to take me going to a LOWER level to get to this higher place.

Sometimes, we'll be in spring and suddenly get a snowstorm. Or we'll get a random hot day in the winter. Climate change? Global warming? End days? Or just a reminder...when that happens in the spiritual or proverbial season, we usually are reminded of the previous season. And depending on the season we're in, we may long for that past season...or we may be glad it's over.

Sometimes in the spiritual we have regrets...we wish things would've gone differently, thinking that would have prevented the shift, but maybe that's not so true. I heard God say to me the other day: Did you cause the snow in the winter? Can you control the weather? No. Sometimes we can't control seasons. People come and go. Jobs end and start. Life happens. Some changes we are responsible for but some, many, are necessary.

Life is about losses and gains. This last season has been a season of loss and pain for me. But also a beautiful season of strength and discovery. Some of you may have had a beautiful season and now are in a season of pain or grief.

Again I ask, in the natural, how do you react to the changing seasons?

One thing to remember through it all - and I record this as I hear this in my spirit, and I speak it over myself and my heart - one thing we can count on - God does not change like the shifting shadows. In the physical, seasons occur as we move around the sun. The sun stays still! So too in the spirit - the SON stands still. Jesus does not move. The seasons change as we get closer or further to Him, as we experience longer shadows or lots of sun, as the days get shorter or the nights get longer. But God does not move! We can cling to Him.

When it's spring in one part of the world, it's summer in another, winter in another, etc. Not everyone experiences different seasons in their lives at the same time. We need to be mindful of this and be okay with it. I know it's weird and can be hard to accept. I can't conceive that in Argentina right now it's winter lol.

Anyway...just wanted to share my heart...

What Are You Wearing?

I saw a lady with a tee shirt on that said: "I'm looking for trouble" and I immediately pictured someone going up to her saying: "Well you found it." What she wore was almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your clothes are not your identity but they are a reflection and they put out a certain "vibe" or sign. It's like your advertising. 

So I wondered, as a Christian, what am I advertising? Am I putting on Christ? Am I clothing myself with compassion, love, peace. What will they see and who will be attracted when I wear the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:11-18)? 

#foodforthought 

Isaiah 52:1
Awake, awake, Zion, clothe yourself with strength! Put on your garments of splendor, Jerusalem, the holy city.

Colossians 3:12 
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
 
Romans 13:13-14
Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Instead, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh.

Ephesians 4:24
Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy.





Galatians 3:27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.


These are the things we should clothe ourselves with. What kind of message are we sending? 

BEAUTY IN THE JOURNEY - PART OF MY TESTIMONY

Still reflecting on the word that God gave me this weekend. The word that I had been waiting for, for a long time. And as I reflected, I realized I had gotten that word before - but had refused to accept it. I remember how I desperately wanted to hear from God regarding that situation, back in July when I went on a retreat to Virginia. Wait, let me be more specific and raw! I've always seen people get delivered in really dramatic ways (now I have learned that the term for that is manifesting and it's demonic and not necessary and in fact often even a distraction for true deliverance). And in fact when I went on the retreat I saw people manifesting and I wanted to manifest too (again, I didn't realize that's what it was...and now as I write this I am receiving even more revelation about it...) I wanted God to take this thing from me. (But God is a gentleman and will not forcibly take anything from us. We have to willingly give it to Him. That's what always scared/s me. I'm like: well if it's up to me then I'm never going to get better -__-. But that wasn't and isn't the case, as I learned on this retreat. Praise God!) So as the weekend in July went on, I was like, groveling with God. Begging Him to take it from me, etc. And I was a little disappointed when I didn't get prayed over in that way or should I say, when I didn't scream or shake or vomit or things like that. But God still spoke and it was good. But then toward the end, the last day, this lady came and prayed for me. She said God knew that I was asking for a word and she said "Tonight, God speaks to you. Don't get distracted. Don't miss it. Pay attention." And I expected like a feeling in the pit of my stomach or horns or bright lights or something lol I don't really know what I was expecting. Actually I think I was expecting a dream or a vision or maybe even someone giving me a word. God can certainly speak in those ways, but that wasn't how God wanted to show up. Well in the car ride home I kept thinking of that word and waiting for God to speak. I thought I heard Him in one of the conversations, but I sensed in my spirit that He had something else for me. Suddenly, some sisters started having a conversation about the situation I wanted God to speak about. I immediately shut my ears to it because I did not want to hear it. Yes, I wanted to hear from God. But I had shut down because I was afraid (I have my reasons...) . And all of a sudden I realized: Oops! They're talking about what I wanted to know about. Maybe I should find out what they were saying (especially since part of it was in Spanish..I knew there was something there and I needed a translation because I needed and wanted to hear from God). So someone told me what they were talking about. It was two ladies having the conversation. I "received" what one of the ladies said (though I had kinda felt disappointed because I guess it wasn't what I was expecting? And because the word was about an open door to the enemy and I didn't think I had any of those but I tried to think if there was anything that needed to be shut). But the other lady shared with me what the Lord really wanted me to hear - but I didn't "hear" it. I brushed right past it and didn't give it a thought. (looking back, there were probably a few reasons why I didn't "hear" it). So I went back home, thinking: maybe I'll have a dream or God'll like come down to my room or something. And being upset that He didn't speak to me. And to be perfectly honest - using it as an excuse to remain in my sin.  

Flash forward to a few months ago when I was once again battling this stronghold and God connected me to someone who one day in a conversation, told me the same word that the lady gave me (which I had not "heard" last time...which I totally forgot about until I think today). She said it so casually, almost matter of fact, no fan fare. But this time I did receive it and I said to myself: oyy if that's what's going on, I don't want it. And I thought that that would make me not want to fall into temptation again. 

However, will power alone is not enough to overcome addictive, sinful behaviors. I really thought that I wasn't going to slip slide again but, alas, a few months ago I found myself wrapped up in it again. And if I am really honest with myself, I had never really fully let it go. Just the thoughts alone are sinful. 

So leading up to this retreat I was fasting and praying. I knew I needed to let this and other things go. I always recommend to people that they go up the mountain with an expectation, with a request of God. I had a few specific requests. I know God was doing something up in that mountain but I still had not received this specific answer as of Sunday. But I had gone up that weekend fully intending to not be distracted but hear from God. And amazingly, God sent a pastora from kentucky that does not know me (which is EXACTLY one of the things that I prayed for) to tell me what I needed to hear. And you know what? It was the same word that I got back in July and several months ago!!! The only difference was, I was finally ready to hear it. And I was and am willing to do whatever it takes to completely demolish this and other strongholds!

Press in

The woman with the issue of blood pressed in to be able to touch Jesus.
Paul pressed on to reach the prize.
We're always telling each other to press in. Press in to worship. Press in to breakthrough/victory. What we forget to mention is how painful it is. Narrow is the way to salvation, right? Ever heard of being between a rock and a hard place? Do the olives enjoy it when they're pressed to make oil? LOL. NO! They legit are crushed. They literally die. And when we press in we die ... to ourselves. to our ways of thinking. to our desires.

So yes, press in. It will be painful. But it will be worth it. <3

IN trouble

In this world we will go thru things. We will experience pain. We will have troubles. God does not promise to necessarily take the pain away. Notice, in Revelation, God says He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. That's a promise for the end times - when we get to eternity God will wipe away every tear. Here on earth, we're gonna go through things. God over and over again promises:

- I will be with you IN times of trouble
- a very present help IN times of need
- though you pass THROUGH the water it will not overtake you and the fire will not consume you

Now, can God deliver us from things? YES! 

- Daniel was delivered from the lion's den
- David was spared from his enemies 
- Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were lifted from the fiery furnace

But there are times when we are going to have to pass through situations. But we can be assured that 
- there is a fourth man standing in the fire 
- He will uphold us with His righteous right hand (with the same right hand with which he delivered Israel from her enemies)
- He will never leave us or forsake us 
- He will sustain us 

Jesus said, "In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33.

Be encouraged <3

Romans 8:1 and Romans 8:28

I was thinking today - I can't regret the things that I've done or not done because God is in control of my life. Have I made mistakes? Of course. But sometimes God uses our mistakes to get us back to where we're supposed to be. And sometimes God protects us from making worse decisions. When the enemy comes to mess with my mind he'll make me regret not making closer friends in high school or college, or make me feel bad about not getting along with certain people or feeling rejected and not going certain places. But God knew who was supposed to be in my life and also what the people I wanted to talk to were like.


I feel bad sometimes like I wish I would've done better in the first college I went to but then I remember there is no condemnation in Christ and if I hadn't come home from college I wouldn't have probably been where I am now and in the emotional and spiritual and physical state that I'm in. I regret some of the things I've done especially in college but I know that Jesus does not remember our sins and I just have to not listen to condemning thoughts - shoulda coulda woulda but I didn't! Shouldn't have couldn't have wouldn't have but guess what - I did! Regret is not going to undo what I've done but I don't have to let it negatively affect me. Plus, I see how I am using those devastating experiences to minister to other people. I have a clear understanding of how certain people feel because of my past and I'm able to bring a unique perspective that many other counselors cannot offer.


So this is me encouraging myself...I encourage you to encourage yourself as well. God works all things together for good. God is in control. God makes all things new.

Change my heart.

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart
Don't give me a new one 
Because I know that even though the heart is deceptive 
But I also know You created me.
I know You placed a special love, a special grace, a special compassion, a special desire in my heart.
I know there's no one like me.

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart. 

You know I've used this gal and she has done me well. 
You know the times I've served You and Your people with this heart. 
But You also know the scars on this heart 
That come as a result of doing Your will in a broken world. 
You know the times I've held back
And You know the fear that creeps in. 

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart
Until it becomes more and more like Yours.
There is no confusion in You.
No doubt.
No disease.
No sin lives in You and You can't live with sin.
Deliver me from evil. 
Don't just deliver me from behaviors or thoughts
Break the chains off my heart.

My heart is fertile soil for You
But I'm afraid the vines have tried to overtake it.
Vines of sin and fear and laziness. 

Don't get rid of it completely.
Keep that which is pleasing to You.
Strengthen that which remains.
Smooth out the stoniness of it. 
May I be clay in Your hand.

Dark Night of the Soul

Allow me to share my heart tonight (I shut the computer to do some reading before bed but had to turn it on again to share this). I'm going through an old journal and see a shocking parallel to what I am currently experiencing. I WISH it weren't so. I wish that I could be done with these things once and for all but I am so thankful. I'm thankful for God's faithfulness and consistency in my life; that He has never left me or forsaken me, even in my mess and my mistakes. I am thankful that He brought me to this point and has led me to read these journals. So I wanted to share a poem that I began back in 2013 and continued today. I sense that just as this poem is continuously being added to and altered, this is not the end of me. Perhaps this is not the end of the situation. But there's a hand that holds me when no one even knows what I'm going through (and that's the way it should be). There's a God that loves me and does not reject me.
I'm in awe, as i write this, because GOD who is the only one who has the right to turn His back on me never does. I know I'm accepted but I struggle with accepting certain parts of myself. It's just beautiful, because I would expect that in these very situations God would want to look away from me but instead He constantly showers me with love and support and protection. Incredible. <3 Him so much. Be encouraged, whoever you are who is going through something.

This is the dark night of the soul.
This is where the scriptures come alive and fight for me,
Where God raises up a standard on my behalf against the principalities.

This is the valley of the shadow
Of death? No, for I shall live. But perhaps, yes, for something in me has to die
And if yes, well then this is where God fulfills His vows:
In sickness and in health.
Oh wait, oh even death could not do us part
Because we are One. We are of one heart.
Even though my section seems contaminated.
Now is where He begins to soften me, smooth me, and clean me
Because I feel so dirty –
Truly a mess
But God loves me as I am.

And this is where He shows me.
This is where God shows me unconditional love.
And where He teaches me to offer myself, and Him, the same.

Oh God,
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
May I fear no evil for You are with me
May You lead me by still waters
May You take me by the hand and deliver me
But not until I’ve learned what I need to learn.

The name of Jesus

How many know that when our bodies are sleeping our spirits are still awake. Our spirits never sleep. Last night I had a rough night. Had trouble sleeping and when I did fall asleep I had a horrible nightmare. I woke myself up screaming JESUS at what seemed to be the top of my lungs but I know it wasn't. I was aware that it didn't come from my mouth. It was from my core. So thankful for the name of Jesus and the power of the name of Jesus and the ability to say the name of Jesus. Truly there is no other name you need. <3 :,) And it is my prayer that God would wake someone up saying the name of JESUS. Someone who doesn't know Him yet. He is able. <3

It works!!!

To be honest, I've struggled with Ephesians 6 regarding putting on our spiritual armor. But the last few days I've been praying a little differently...not just regurgitating the scriptures or what I've heard people pray, I've been praying from my own words. So yesterday, I prayed / armored up, and I had a few "thoughts" and maybe an urge or two. But they were all in passing. They didn't stay and they didn't spread to my heart or my body. And I heard God say "that's the armor of God." Even today, although it wasn't perfect, certain things that would have sent me over the edge, didn't effect me! 

I'm thinking about the NA slogan: It works if you work it so work it it's worth it. 

And I'm thinking, like someone said yesterday "Test God" MEANING be honest with God and say "I'm struggling with my faith in this. I need you to come through. I'm gonna pray and I need you to answer." 

God is relentless

God is relentless haha. <3 I had had some prayer time earlier but then I had to stop and wanted to continue because I had a few specific prayers to pray. And I said: I'm going to my prayer closet...just going to take one or two things, not going to read this particular book, not going to deal with this issue right now because I have other stuff I need to pray for. And God allowed me to pray and it was all good and then I was done with that and was gonna go back upstairs and He said "wait...what's that in your heart?" And I'm like: "Ugh...ok." So I start venting to Him lol. And then I felt to open the Bible...I asked Him to speak to me through His Word but I had a few specific verses in mind that I wanted to find. And I had this notebook and it said "Always LOVE" and I'm just looking at it, like: Ok.... So then I start reading the Word and what I found was actually not what I was looking for and when I did find a few things that I had been recently looking for it didn't really touch me. Why? Because what I found was so much better - It was ALLLL about God's steadfast love (and various associated topics). Also, I told God: "Hey I'm doing pretty good! I don't blah blah blah." And in His mercy He showed me an area that needs some work. I'm so thankful that He would care about me so much that He would want to work on me. And that He is so hopeful and confident that I will be changed, that He bothers to talk to me. I got so enveloped I didn't realize I spent TWO HOURS down there!!! He's so merciful. So amazing. And I'm just in awe because I really didn't plan for any of that lol. That's how "dates" with our "spouses" should be! SURPRISE! God never ceases to surprise me. And it shows that even though I try to avoid dealing with certain things, I see that God still has my heart. Because I could have still resisted. I could have refused to stay in that prayer closet. I could have gone upstairs to eat lunch and play video games. But I stayed. It also shows His power. He is so beautiful that He makes me want to stay with Him. His love draws me closer all the time...

Zephaniah 3:17

I'm having a horrible horrible night but as I'm over here journaling and frustrated that nothing is working out right now and nothing is calming me down, I try to type something at the end of the entry and it ends up in the middle lol but it's good; it's like symbolic/prophetic. Even though in the flesh I'm a hot mess right now and I'm exhausted and upset I found the strength in the depth of my heart to say: "But God, I know that you love me. I know that you're not just being silent because you're mad at me. You don't do that." And as I wrote that I could finally start to breathe some deep breaths. I share this with you because a lot of times I complain lol and I want you to know that I still have faith. And I share this also because I want you to know that in the midst of the worst storm of your life, God always has a word for you. I tell you I tried pretty much everything I could think of to calm down but I just kept getting more and more upset. But finally I said "Ok God I guess I have to do this on my own." And as I vented to God, I unloaded the contents of my heart. Instead of taking out the anger and sadness and whatever on anyone else or on myself I was able to take it out on God and not really in a blaming way but in a "God this hurts" way. He understands that way. Who knows if He was just waiting this entire night for me to say "Ok God here I am help me". I tell you NOTHING ELSE WORKED TONIGHT EXCEPT BEING QUIET WITH GOD AND TELLING HIM WHAT WAS BOTHERING ME. I had to find His promise for me. Once I found God's promise I calmed down. Why? Because I saw growth - in the past I would've never had the courage and strength to say that and I would've had to rely on other people to remind me that God loved me. And, I guess it's like: His love, His promise is an anchor in my storm. I pray that whatever storm you're going through you would find an anchor for your soul. 

I can rejoice in my sufferings (at the moment....a few hours ago not so much lol but now that I'm calmer, yes) because I have this faith that makes me not give up. I have this promise - that He loves me. It's crazy because I have never quite understood God's love and I knew He loved me but didn't know how powerful it was or what it meant for me NOW. But just now I saw - and I PRAAYYY that I remember this moment - that the promise of God's love (and of His presence) soothe my heart. I think that's the ONLY thing that woulda done it tonight/this morning. Now I may even be able to sleep...

Save the oil!

I'm usually very conscious about how much things cost and I'm grateful for what I have and I try not to waste anything. Today I thought to myself after cooking: man I use a lot of oil. And then it just gets spilled out because it's too much. And at first I thought, "Eh. It's just oil. It's not that expensive or anything." But then I thought: "Oh no. Wait. Actually olive oil is VERY expensive." So for lunch I wasn't able to save it though I tried. It just wasn't working. But for dinner I saved some oil and hopefully it kept and I can use it tomorrow. 

To bring it to the spiritual side:
 
1) Christ does that for us. He's like: This girl is worth too much; she is worth my life. So I'm not gonna let her go. I'm gonna pick up every last morsel and use and reuse it. I'm not gonna waste anything. I'm not gonna let her just fall down the drain. She is very valuable.

And then 2) We should be like that with the anointing and with our relationship with God. We're like: Eh, it's just worship. It's just prayer. It's just reading some scriptures. It's just church. It's just a meeting. It's just a phone call. Whatever it may be for you. And we just get so lazy with things and let it slip away. We should also be like that with our friendships/relationships. Eh, we'll talk some other time. Oh, tomorrow I'll remember to tell him I love him. 

We try to save what is valuable to us, what seems pricy, what we have poured into/invested in. Even though sometimes we want to give up precisely because we've poured so much into it. But the point is, we should show honor to those to whom honor is due and let them know that you care. Have we counted the cost of following Christ? (Philippians 3:8) Because He counted us worthy (Hebrews 12:2). 

#justsaying.

Surrender

Yesterday I was in the middle of asking God to help me to surrender. I got about half way through and He stopped me. And He was like: Stop asking me that. People may be confused by that but I knew what He meant. He didn't mean that I shouldn't ask for help. What He meant was that sometimes, at least for me, when I ask for help, it's an excuse. It's me saying, "God really I don't want to take responsibility so I'm going to act like I'm weak so that YOU'll do it for me." Something like that. So God told me: Just do it. So I lifted my hands and said "Ok God. I surrender. I'm taking my hands off of this. Only you can do it. But you CAN do it." Then of course when that happens, you may feel strong for a little while and then the battle comes when you REALLY have to believe God and you REALLY have to do what you said you were going to do - i.e., let God fight your battles. Aye. No es facil. It's not easy. BUT I know that I know that the ONLY one who can do it is God. I am just going to make things so much worse if I try to change things. So God, I'm taking my hands off of it and I'm gonna let You work Your miracles. 

People, hold on. When it seems CRAZY is when you're gonna want to give up the most but that's when you have to trust Him the most. When you really have to press in and praise Him and cry out to Him and seek Him and obey Him. You may be trying to fix things and while you're trying to fix it, you're actually blocking or delaying God's plan. Listen, one way or another, God's will will be done....I'm gonna pray....

God I pray right now for myself and all your children who are reading this. I pray God that we would cling to You God and hold on to You when we are scared. God, we believe that You are working things out when all Hell breaks loose. We believe that You have our lives, our families, our jobs, our health in Your hands. But sometimes it gets crazy and it's hard to just be still and know that You are God. So just hold Your people God. Hold us. God there are a lot of people right now who are hurting because You are in the process of or about to begin completing the work in their families or their lives but it's so scary and it's so painful. So please God I send Your word of comfort to them even right now. Hold us God. Have mercy on us, on our hearts. Comfort us and help us to say no when we need to say no. Help us to keep our peace in the midst of what we're going through or what is happening around us. Finish the work that You've started in us or start a work in our lives in those areas that we have been pidiendole - praying for for the longest time. God we need You. Let everyone receive Your peace tonight as they read this. And even those that are not reading this. God, they, we, need You. And we love You God and we desire to do Your will and we desire to see Your glory God. God have Your way. In Jesus' name. 

The Word of God in Psalm 34:10 says that those who seek the LORD will lack no good thing. Psalm 23:1 says that the LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. . . . I once tried to tell my niece about Psalm 91 where it says that He will command His angels concerning you that your foot should not strike a stone. She replied: "but my foot has struck a stone before." She didn't understand at the time that we can't always take it literally. And it reminded me of this. These two scriptures say that God meets all of my needs. Philippians 4:19 also says that. However, first of all we have to look at the context. Second of all, David who wrote the Psalm knew what it was to be in lack. And you and I have had times when we're lacking something. Actually, if we didn't have lack, we wouldn't need a God or know Him as provider. 

I thought of this scripture in the following manner: to me I have experienced lack in my relationships. I have often felt like I was missing something or not completely satisfied. To be honest, I have had to battle with rejection and fear, with loneliness and bitterness. But God has shown me and is showing me: humans are fallible. And I of all people should know that since I am a fallible human just like the rest. Yes there have been times when people should have stepped up to the plate and didn't and there were times when I should have been there for someone or done something for someone and I didn't. But where others or I failed, God met the need. Maybe I don't have certain relationships with certain people, but I am still alive and I am resilient and healed. So God must've done something right. He would always either send someone else to meet my need, even in unexpected ways, or He himself would minister to me or miraculously save me or give me what I've needed. Even and perhaps especially when I didn't serve Him or I didn't ask. Even when I don't realize. 

I am surrounded by many people who genuinely love me and are committed to praying for me as the Spirit leads them. But they are not here in the middle of the night or in the times of my temptation. I can't always go to them to talk or pray. Just like I'm really not available 100% of the time. Nobody really is. But if people pray for me or think of me it's under the direction of God anyway. And regardless if I come to anyone's mind, God sees me. And I don't know if in these times people happen to be praying for me but I have learned how to pray for myself. And where I lack, the Holy Spirit prays for me. And when I can't think to pray or I'd rather fight or run, God dispatches His angels as Jesus intercedes. And then the battle passes and I can have some rest.

Are my feet going to occasionally strike a stone? Yes. Are people going to fail me? Yes. But when the smoke clears and my heart settles I understand that I am loved and surrounded by loving, praying people and a mighty and loving God. If I made it this far it's because I do not lack anything.

I truly can say, "All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me."

On Giving Gifts: A Christmas Reflection

Reflecting on this Christmas and of course, you know, I gotta bring God into it. Why? Because that's how God speaks to me, through everyday situations. 

So, in my family, we usually make lists of what we want and give them to the family so we know what to get each toher. I was reflecting on the fact that every gift I got this year was so thoughtful. It was based on what my friends and family knew I liked or needed or would be interested in. I got some things that were not on my list and some items I got multiples of lol. 

It made me think of God. The scriptures that come to mind are: Luke 11:13, James 1:17 and Ephesians 3:20.

^"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."

Oh, also it reminds me of Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." 

and James 4:2 "You do not have, because you do not ask."


 

Cleaning Process

A quick post about something God showed me today. Love these times when He quiets me with His love.

I was vacuuming today and I kept having to go over the same spot over and over again. That either happens when I haven't vacuumed in a while or if the dirt has been there for a while. Well God showed me that's how it is with me and others sometimes. I feel bad at times when I have to go revisit the same things I thought I was done with. But God was showing me, it's hard work, you have to be kind of forceful...if you're gentle it takes longer too, and the thing is there are some deep-seated issues that are going to have to be worked out...with pressure and commitment and strength and consistency...it's ok!

Some of Tonight's Teaching

Tonight while worshiping God showed me my heart. Recently He showed me one of the problems with my heart, one of the lies that I had believed for so so so so long. He showed me tonight how that was affecting me today. He truly quiets me with His love (Zephaniah 3:17). Aye aye aye. And all I could do was pray that He would help me walk out this freedom (because His truth sets me free...John 8:32) in day to day life. I feel how necessary this healing is. A deep healing because that lie infests my mind and shapes my behavior and God has been pointing out little by little, because I've asked Him to, where the issue manifests. Praise God.

Then Pastor Eugene stated that no matter what happened this year, nothing can stop the plans of God in/for your life. Not only was this confirmation of a piece of writing I've been working on, but this applies directly to me because I know I've made a lot of mistakes in this year (every year, every day, but you know, I feel like some things really hit me hard) and I beat myself up over it sometimes. And sometimes I ask myself if things would've been different and if I stopped or hindered or changed the plans God had for me. But He consistently reminds me that His will, will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Oh for the faith and grace to believe that, to forgive myself, and to walk in that.

He said that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. And sometimes we stay stuck in yesterday and we don't realize Jesus was there and He is still here and He is still doing a work in us. I loved that! He really broke it down. I didn't think of it like that, that Jesus was there yesterday and He is in our today and He will be in our tomorrow. God is so so good. 

I have more to say but I'm going to put it in the next blog because it does not completely pertain to the same theme as this, though it has to do with tonight. I next want to share something that the Lord showed me, personally, in my own situation. I hope you can be encouraged and ministered to...

Psalm 40:1-10 and Psalm 30:6-7 - A personal story

Been looking for this psalm for the longest now...I've heard it so often...I forgot where it was but finally tonight I remembered and it was as if I had known it all along. Guess tonight was the night to find it :)

This is one portion of scripture that represents my life.

I can't even express the depth and darkness and sliminess of the pit that I was in. But He lifted me up above my circumstances, above my sickness, above my sin, and He brought me to a place where I could be secure. I am only secure in Him. Lately I've been meditating on Psalm 30, which is another psalm about God's salvation and deliverance, but I've been meditating on verses 6-7 where it says "Now as for me, I said in my prosperity, 'I will never be moved.' O LORD, by Your favor You have made my mountain to stand strong; You hid Your face, I was dismayed.…" Later David testifies that the LORD heard his cry and had mercy and helped him. I'm reminded that I cannot do this on my own. Without God, I shutter to think where I would be right now. I would not have met such amazing people. I would probably not be connected to the loving family and friends that I have. I would not have been able to go to school, graduate with honors and become a counselor. 

Now Psalm 40 continues in verse 3 "He has put a new song of praise in my mouth." The enemy has ALWAYS tried to steal my worship. BUT GOD!!! He has truly allowed me to worship. It is a privilege and an honor to worship God and it is warfare. At times it has not been easy but the more I focus on God the easier it becomes to praise Him. I can't even begin to express the power in praise and worship. 

The second part of that verse says that "Many will see and fear the LorD and put their trust in him." Oh Lord, how I believe and pray that this is true. I know it is because I have already been told by various people that I inspire them. All glory to God and that is what it is all about. It's all worth it to be able to show people that God is real and that God heals and that what He did for me He can do for them. I would not wish my past on anyone. And I still have some residue for God to clean up. But I am believing that "Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in Him."

Verse 4 - Oh I have been known to idolize things, people, behaviors, etc. I've turned to people instead of God but God always has a way of bringing me back. 

Verse 5 - Yes, yes, yes. I can never fully describe all the wonders He has done. Oh man...so many things; so many things. 

Verse 6-8 - God has changed my heart so that now my desire is to please him and to stay connected with His heart. I am learning that it is not about what I do or resist doing; living this Christian life is a matter of the heart. It's saying: "God, I want to do your will and not mine." The phrase "My ears you have opened" indicates commitment. In the days of the bible, people used to have their masters pierce (put a hook through) their ears to show that they were committed to them. So I'm saying "God, I'm Yours."

 Verse 9-10 - When God has done something amazing it is natural that you should, usually, want to declare the works of the Lord. At times I've been ashamed of my past and there are still things that are sometimes painful to talk about, but it is important to share these things because I KNOW that I am not the only one to have gone through those things. Some things are not going to be as bad as what others have gone through and some things might be worse. Depends on the person. But we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). God has taken away my shame and guilt and there is someone who needs to hear my story <3.

And then in Verses 11-15 and 17 bring it back...David had experienced deliverance but then he faced ANOTHER situation where he needed God. I reflect on my current situations...but what I'm thankful for is that in the beginning of this psalm, David remembers the good things that God had already done. This is how he can encourage himself. And this is how I can believe that He will deliver me from this situation as well....He's done it before and maybe in a lot of ways that situation was even worse!! This, I can handle this...I feel like I can't at times but I have to remember all His benefits (Psalm 103) and how He has been there for me through EVERYTHING and how He has always been mighty to save. And, now I know Him. I have an added buffer, an added strength and fortitude, added wisdom and power. God has always been with me, but NOW, I am with GOD! NOW, we are ONE and that makes ALL the difference. I can testify to that! .... Now I know how to pray, now I know how to worship, now I know how to fight. I can overcome anything with the help and grace and will of the Lord.

In Verse 16 David cries out on behalf of everyone and so I end this blog by praying that "all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, 'The Lord is great!' just as I have been able to do. <3

Gleaning

No one is a lone soldier. I'm so thankful for the people God has surrounded me with in this season of my life - people who love me, restore me, teach me, and help me grow. For years I've run from people and run from my calling, feeling like I shouldn't or couldn't be around them because I was not as mature as them or struggled with things they probably didn't struggled with or I wasn't as committed as them or couldn't do things that they did. I came up with all sorts of excuses as to why I should be disqualified. Sometimes I probably disqualified other people too in the past. But now I have peace knowing that we all go through things and everyone's walk is different and that's ok. No one can judge anyone; no one is perfect and we can't say that one person is better than the next. It's just we may go through different things or handle things differently. They have learned certain lessons that I still need to learn and maybe I've learned a few that they could stand to understand. I am able to glean from them. And it's not like: "God I wanna pray how she prays. I wanna sing how she sings. I wanna study as much as him." It's "hey, they went through this, that, and the third, and they are still completely devoted to you. Hey, this person is going through a lot but she fights through it with prayer. That person sings their heart out and it's pure and she presses through. Man, did you see how that person prayed with FAITH believing for the impossible? And did you see how God acted on her behalf?" I am beginning to know and understand the calling of God on my life and so God has surrounded me with people who, I don't have to be carbon copies of but who I can learn from. And God has also shown me that even though I may not be as "mature" as other people (and in a lot of ways, yeah, I am still immature. I still have a lot to learn and surrender and grow and develop and develop discipline in) I still have something to offer. 

I have come a long way and sometimes I want to just RUN because it seems overwhelming, because I never thought I could be here, because I'm afraid of what the future holds and the cost of following God and growing in God. But He works all things out for my good and I want to be bold and courageous and I want to go to the grave EMPTY. I want to fulfill every plan that God has for me. 

One of the main things that I've had to do is learn to validate myself. Some people validate me and some people put me down (not even meaning to). I've been learning, however, that the important thing is that God validates me, affirms me and gives me the STRENGTH, to look myself in the mirror and say "I am ....." (and fill in the blank with the things that He has called me to be). 

David started as a shepherd and his brothers always saw him as a shepherd and he probably saw himself as a shepherd. But he learned to rely on God and seek God and trust God and obey God. He learned to see himself as a worshiper and as a mighty man of God, a man after God's own heart. 

Abraham was old. He and Noah both had to WAIT for the promise of God to be fulfilled. They and Hannah probably felt like God had forgotten them or forgotten what He had promised. Sometimes the process is slow but other times God acts SUDDENLY. God can redeem the time that it takes while things or people are being prepared. And not a moment is wasted. God called a lot of people when they were young and he called a lot of people when they were old. No matter what season we are in life, God can use us. It's not too late to turn to God or be used by God. 

Those that really know me know that I am called the Butterfly. It represents the transformation that God has done in my life. I used to be so shy. I went through a FIGHT for my SOUL. I still fight, probably every day, but I have gotten stronger and bolder. And it comes from getting closer to God and surrendering more and more of my heart to Him. I am not the same person I was when I came to Christ and the person you see today, you will not see after a while ... well some things will remain the same (my passion, my heart, my curiosity, my intelligence, my shoulders and collarbone [haha...inside joke], my eyes and eyelashes lol, my gift of language and writing, etc). But there will be things that will grow (my prayer life, my devotion to God, my boldness, my humility, etc.) and there will be things that will be pruned away (my need for control, my stubbornness, my fear, etc). To God be the glory. He prunes that which bears fruit to bear more fruit and He disciplines those He loves.