Press in

The woman with the issue of blood pressed in to be able to touch Jesus.
Paul pressed on to reach the prize.
We're always telling each other to press in. Press in to worship. Press in to breakthrough/victory. What we forget to mention is how painful it is. Narrow is the way to salvation, right? Ever heard of being between a rock and a hard place? Do the olives enjoy it when they're pressed to make oil? LOL. NO! They legit are crushed. They literally die. And when we press in we die ... to ourselves. to our ways of thinking. to our desires.

So yes, press in. It will be painful. But it will be worth it. <3

IN trouble

In this world we will go thru things. We will experience pain. We will have troubles. God does not promise to necessarily take the pain away. Notice, in Revelation, God says He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. That's a promise for the end times - when we get to eternity God will wipe away every tear. Here on earth, we're gonna go through things. God over and over again promises:

- I will be with you IN times of trouble
- a very present help IN times of need
- though you pass THROUGH the water it will not overtake you and the fire will not consume you

Now, can God deliver us from things? YES! 

- Daniel was delivered from the lion's den
- David was spared from his enemies 
- Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were lifted from the fiery furnace

But there are times when we are going to have to pass through situations. But we can be assured that 
- there is a fourth man standing in the fire 
- He will uphold us with His righteous right hand (with the same right hand with which he delivered Israel from her enemies)
- He will never leave us or forsake us 
- He will sustain us 

Jesus said, "In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33.

Be encouraged <3

Romans 8:1 and Romans 8:28

I was thinking today - I can't regret the things that I've done or not done because God is in control of my life. Have I made mistakes? Of course. But sometimes God uses our mistakes to get us back to where we're supposed to be. And sometimes God protects us from making worse decisions. When the enemy comes to mess with my mind he'll make me regret not making closer friends in high school or college, or make me feel bad about not getting along with certain people or feeling rejected and not going certain places. But God knew who was supposed to be in my life and also what the people I wanted to talk to were like.


I feel bad sometimes like I wish I would've done better in the first college I went to but then I remember there is no condemnation in Christ and if I hadn't come home from college I wouldn't have probably been where I am now and in the emotional and spiritual and physical state that I'm in. I regret some of the things I've done especially in college but I know that Jesus does not remember our sins and I just have to not listen to condemning thoughts - shoulda coulda woulda but I didn't! Shouldn't have couldn't have wouldn't have but guess what - I did! Regret is not going to undo what I've done but I don't have to let it negatively affect me. Plus, I see how I am using those devastating experiences to minister to other people. I have a clear understanding of how certain people feel because of my past and I'm able to bring a unique perspective that many other counselors cannot offer.


So this is me encouraging myself...I encourage you to encourage yourself as well. God works all things together for good. God is in control. God makes all things new.

Change my heart.

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart
Don't give me a new one 
Because I know that even though the heart is deceptive 
But I also know You created me.
I know You placed a special love, a special grace, a special compassion, a special desire in my heart.
I know there's no one like me.

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart. 

You know I've used this gal and she has done me well. 
You know the times I've served You and Your people with this heart. 
But You also know the scars on this heart 
That come as a result of doing Your will in a broken world. 
You know the times I've held back
And You know the fear that creeps in. 

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart
Until it becomes more and more like Yours.
There is no confusion in You.
No doubt.
No disease.
No sin lives in You and You can't live with sin.
Deliver me from evil. 
Don't just deliver me from behaviors or thoughts
Break the chains off my heart.

My heart is fertile soil for You
But I'm afraid the vines have tried to overtake it.
Vines of sin and fear and laziness. 

Don't get rid of it completely.
Keep that which is pleasing to You.
Strengthen that which remains.
Smooth out the stoniness of it. 
May I be clay in Your hand.

Dark Night of the Soul

Allow me to share my heart tonight (I shut the computer to do some reading before bed but had to turn it on again to share this). I'm going through an old journal and see a shocking parallel to what I am currently experiencing. I WISH it weren't so. I wish that I could be done with these things once and for all but I am so thankful. I'm thankful for God's faithfulness and consistency in my life; that He has never left me or forsaken me, even in my mess and my mistakes. I am thankful that He brought me to this point and has led me to read these journals. So I wanted to share a poem that I began back in 2013 and continued today. I sense that just as this poem is continuously being added to and altered, this is not the end of me. Perhaps this is not the end of the situation. But there's a hand that holds me when no one even knows what I'm going through (and that's the way it should be). There's a God that loves me and does not reject me.
I'm in awe, as i write this, because GOD who is the only one who has the right to turn His back on me never does. I know I'm accepted but I struggle with accepting certain parts of myself. It's just beautiful, because I would expect that in these very situations God would want to look away from me but instead He constantly showers me with love and support and protection. Incredible. <3 Him so much. Be encouraged, whoever you are who is going through something.

This is the dark night of the soul.
This is where the scriptures come alive and fight for me,
Where God raises up a standard on my behalf against the principalities.

This is the valley of the shadow
Of death? No, for I shall live. But perhaps, yes, for something in me has to die
And if yes, well then this is where God fulfills His vows:
In sickness and in health.
Oh wait, oh even death could not do us part
Because we are One. We are of one heart.
Even though my section seems contaminated.
Now is where He begins to soften me, smooth me, and clean me
Because I feel so dirty –
Truly a mess
But God loves me as I am.

And this is where He shows me.
This is where God shows me unconditional love.
And where He teaches me to offer myself, and Him, the same.

Oh God,
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
May I fear no evil for You are with me
May You lead me by still waters
May You take me by the hand and deliver me
But not until I’ve learned what I need to learn.

The name of Jesus

How many know that when our bodies are sleeping our spirits are still awake. Our spirits never sleep. Last night I had a rough night. Had trouble sleeping and when I did fall asleep I had a horrible nightmare. I woke myself up screaming JESUS at what seemed to be the top of my lungs but I know it wasn't. I was aware that it didn't come from my mouth. It was from my core. So thankful for the name of Jesus and the power of the name of Jesus and the ability to say the name of Jesus. Truly there is no other name you need. <3 :,) And it is my prayer that God would wake someone up saying the name of JESUS. Someone who doesn't know Him yet. He is able. <3

It works!!!

To be honest, I've struggled with Ephesians 6 regarding putting on our spiritual armor. But the last few days I've been praying a little differently...not just regurgitating the scriptures or what I've heard people pray, I've been praying from my own words. So yesterday, I prayed / armored up, and I had a few "thoughts" and maybe an urge or two. But they were all in passing. They didn't stay and they didn't spread to my heart or my body. And I heard God say "that's the armor of God." Even today, although it wasn't perfect, certain things that would have sent me over the edge, didn't effect me! 

I'm thinking about the NA slogan: It works if you work it so work it it's worth it. 

And I'm thinking, like someone said yesterday "Test God" MEANING be honest with God and say "I'm struggling with my faith in this. I need you to come through. I'm gonna pray and I need you to answer."