What Are You Wearing?

I saw a lady with a tee shirt on that said: "I'm looking for trouble" and I immediately pictured someone going up to her saying: "Well you found it." What she wore was almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your clothes are not your identity but they are a reflection and they put out a certain "vibe" or sign. It's like your advertising. 

So I wondered, as a Christian, what am I advertising? Am I putting on Christ? Am I clothing myself with compassion, love, peace. What will they see and who will be attracted when I wear the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:11-18)? 

#foodforthought 

Isaiah 52:1
Awake, awake, Zion, clothe yourself with strength! Put on your garments of splendor, Jerusalem, the holy city.

Colossians 3:12 
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
 
Romans 13:13-14
Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Instead, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh.

Ephesians 4:24
Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy.





Galatians 3:27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.


These are the things we should clothe ourselves with. What kind of message are we sending? 

BEAUTY IN THE JOURNEY - PART OF MY TESTIMONY

Still reflecting on the word that God gave me this weekend. The word that I had been waiting for, for a long time. And as I reflected, I realized I had gotten that word before - but had refused to accept it. I remember how I desperately wanted to hear from God regarding that situation, back in July when I went on a retreat to Virginia. Wait, let me be more specific and raw! I've always seen people get delivered in really dramatic ways (now I have learned that the term for that is manifesting and it's demonic and not necessary and in fact often even a distraction for true deliverance). And in fact when I went on the retreat I saw people manifesting and I wanted to manifest too (again, I didn't realize that's what it was...and now as I write this I am receiving even more revelation about it...) I wanted God to take this thing from me. (But God is a gentleman and will not forcibly take anything from us. We have to willingly give it to Him. That's what always scared/s me. I'm like: well if it's up to me then I'm never going to get better -__-. But that wasn't and isn't the case, as I learned on this retreat. Praise God!) So as the weekend in July went on, I was like, groveling with God. Begging Him to take it from me, etc. And I was a little disappointed when I didn't get prayed over in that way or should I say, when I didn't scream or shake or vomit or things like that. But God still spoke and it was good. But then toward the end, the last day, this lady came and prayed for me. She said God knew that I was asking for a word and she said "Tonight, God speaks to you. Don't get distracted. Don't miss it. Pay attention." And I expected like a feeling in the pit of my stomach or horns or bright lights or something lol I don't really know what I was expecting. Actually I think I was expecting a dream or a vision or maybe even someone giving me a word. God can certainly speak in those ways, but that wasn't how God wanted to show up. Well in the car ride home I kept thinking of that word and waiting for God to speak. I thought I heard Him in one of the conversations, but I sensed in my spirit that He had something else for me. Suddenly, some sisters started having a conversation about the situation I wanted God to speak about. I immediately shut my ears to it because I did not want to hear it. Yes, I wanted to hear from God. But I had shut down because I was afraid (I have my reasons...) . And all of a sudden I realized: Oops! They're talking about what I wanted to know about. Maybe I should find out what they were saying (especially since part of it was in Spanish..I knew there was something there and I needed a translation because I needed and wanted to hear from God). So someone told me what they were talking about. It was two ladies having the conversation. I "received" what one of the ladies said (though I had kinda felt disappointed because I guess it wasn't what I was expecting? And because the word was about an open door to the enemy and I didn't think I had any of those but I tried to think if there was anything that needed to be shut). But the other lady shared with me what the Lord really wanted me to hear - but I didn't "hear" it. I brushed right past it and didn't give it a thought. (looking back, there were probably a few reasons why I didn't "hear" it). So I went back home, thinking: maybe I'll have a dream or God'll like come down to my room or something. And being upset that He didn't speak to me. And to be perfectly honest - using it as an excuse to remain in my sin.  

Flash forward to a few months ago when I was once again battling this stronghold and God connected me to someone who one day in a conversation, told me the same word that the lady gave me (which I had not "heard" last time...which I totally forgot about until I think today). She said it so casually, almost matter of fact, no fan fare. But this time I did receive it and I said to myself: oyy if that's what's going on, I don't want it. And I thought that that would make me not want to fall into temptation again. 

However, will power alone is not enough to overcome addictive, sinful behaviors. I really thought that I wasn't going to slip slide again but, alas, a few months ago I found myself wrapped up in it again. And if I am really honest with myself, I had never really fully let it go. Just the thoughts alone are sinful. 

So leading up to this retreat I was fasting and praying. I knew I needed to let this and other things go. I always recommend to people that they go up the mountain with an expectation, with a request of God. I had a few specific requests. I know God was doing something up in that mountain but I still had not received this specific answer as of Sunday. But I had gone up that weekend fully intending to not be distracted but hear from God. And amazingly, God sent a pastora from kentucky that does not know me (which is EXACTLY one of the things that I prayed for) to tell me what I needed to hear. And you know what? It was the same word that I got back in July and several months ago!!! The only difference was, I was finally ready to hear it. And I was and am willing to do whatever it takes to completely demolish this and other strongholds!

Press in

The woman with the issue of blood pressed in to be able to touch Jesus.
Paul pressed on to reach the prize.
We're always telling each other to press in. Press in to worship. Press in to breakthrough/victory. What we forget to mention is how painful it is. Narrow is the way to salvation, right? Ever heard of being between a rock and a hard place? Do the olives enjoy it when they're pressed to make oil? LOL. NO! They legit are crushed. They literally die. And when we press in we die ... to ourselves. to our ways of thinking. to our desires.

So yes, press in. It will be painful. But it will be worth it. <3

IN trouble

In this world we will go thru things. We will experience pain. We will have troubles. God does not promise to necessarily take the pain away. Notice, in Revelation, God says He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. That's a promise for the end times - when we get to eternity God will wipe away every tear. Here on earth, we're gonna go through things. God over and over again promises:

- I will be with you IN times of trouble
- a very present help IN times of need
- though you pass THROUGH the water it will not overtake you and the fire will not consume you

Now, can God deliver us from things? YES! 

- Daniel was delivered from the lion's den
- David was spared from his enemies 
- Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were lifted from the fiery furnace

But there are times when we are going to have to pass through situations. But we can be assured that 
- there is a fourth man standing in the fire 
- He will uphold us with His righteous right hand (with the same right hand with which he delivered Israel from her enemies)
- He will never leave us or forsake us 
- He will sustain us 

Jesus said, "In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33.

Be encouraged <3

Romans 8:1 and Romans 8:28

I was thinking today - I can't regret the things that I've done or not done because God is in control of my life. Have I made mistakes? Of course. But sometimes God uses our mistakes to get us back to where we're supposed to be. And sometimes God protects us from making worse decisions. When the enemy comes to mess with my mind he'll make me regret not making closer friends in high school or college, or make me feel bad about not getting along with certain people or feeling rejected and not going certain places. But God knew who was supposed to be in my life and also what the people I wanted to talk to were like.


I feel bad sometimes like I wish I would've done better in the first college I went to but then I remember there is no condemnation in Christ and if I hadn't come home from college I wouldn't have probably been where I am now and in the emotional and spiritual and physical state that I'm in. I regret some of the things I've done especially in college but I know that Jesus does not remember our sins and I just have to not listen to condemning thoughts - shoulda coulda woulda but I didn't! Shouldn't have couldn't have wouldn't have but guess what - I did! Regret is not going to undo what I've done but I don't have to let it negatively affect me. Plus, I see how I am using those devastating experiences to minister to other people. I have a clear understanding of how certain people feel because of my past and I'm able to bring a unique perspective that many other counselors cannot offer.


So this is me encouraging myself...I encourage you to encourage yourself as well. God works all things together for good. God is in control. God makes all things new.

Change my heart.

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart
Don't give me a new one 
Because I know that even though the heart is deceptive 
But I also know You created me.
I know You placed a special love, a special grace, a special compassion, a special desire in my heart.
I know there's no one like me.

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart. 

You know I've used this gal and she has done me well. 
You know the times I've served You and Your people with this heart. 
But You also know the scars on this heart 
That come as a result of doing Your will in a broken world. 
You know the times I've held back
And You know the fear that creeps in. 

I'm asking You oh God to keep changing my heart
Until it becomes more and more like Yours.
There is no confusion in You.
No doubt.
No disease.
No sin lives in You and You can't live with sin.
Deliver me from evil. 
Don't just deliver me from behaviors or thoughts
Break the chains off my heart.

My heart is fertile soil for You
But I'm afraid the vines have tried to overtake it.
Vines of sin and fear and laziness. 

Don't get rid of it completely.
Keep that which is pleasing to You.
Strengthen that which remains.
Smooth out the stoniness of it. 
May I be clay in Your hand.

Dark Night of the Soul

Allow me to share my heart tonight (I shut the computer to do some reading before bed but had to turn it on again to share this). I'm going through an old journal and see a shocking parallel to what I am currently experiencing. I WISH it weren't so. I wish that I could be done with these things once and for all but I am so thankful. I'm thankful for God's faithfulness and consistency in my life; that He has never left me or forsaken me, even in my mess and my mistakes. I am thankful that He brought me to this point and has led me to read these journals. So I wanted to share a poem that I began back in 2013 and continued today. I sense that just as this poem is continuously being added to and altered, this is not the end of me. Perhaps this is not the end of the situation. But there's a hand that holds me when no one even knows what I'm going through (and that's the way it should be). There's a God that loves me and does not reject me.
I'm in awe, as i write this, because GOD who is the only one who has the right to turn His back on me never does. I know I'm accepted but I struggle with accepting certain parts of myself. It's just beautiful, because I would expect that in these very situations God would want to look away from me but instead He constantly showers me with love and support and protection. Incredible. <3 Him so much. Be encouraged, whoever you are who is going through something.

This is the dark night of the soul.
This is where the scriptures come alive and fight for me,
Where God raises up a standard on my behalf against the principalities.

This is the valley of the shadow
Of death? No, for I shall live. But perhaps, yes, for something in me has to die
And if yes, well then this is where God fulfills His vows:
In sickness and in health.
Oh wait, oh even death could not do us part
Because we are One. We are of one heart.
Even though my section seems contaminated.
Now is where He begins to soften me, smooth me, and clean me
Because I feel so dirty –
Truly a mess
But God loves me as I am.

And this is where He shows me.
This is where God shows me unconditional love.
And where He teaches me to offer myself, and Him, the same.

Oh God,
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
May I fear no evil for You are with me
May You lead me by still waters
May You take me by the hand and deliver me
But not until I’ve learned what I need to learn.