I love how one word from God is all I need and I love that everything He speaks is truth and His truth sets me free.  I love that Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and Father God are always with me and so even if I'm not in "prayer mode", no matter what I could be doing, out of "nowhere" God could just be like: *poof* and tell me something.  A few times in these last few days I've begun to understand with new meaning: "He will quiet you with His love."  When He speaks, He speaks the truth in LOVE and I cannot make any excuses.  I cannot complain.  I cannot respond except to give Him praise.  

On a somewhat similar note, yesterday when I was on the train I saw a sign that said King.  And it made me think of the song "King Is Here" by Jesus Culture.  And then I thought: imagine if you could tell who was a Christian because you could literally see Jesus with them.  I chuckled at the thought of a million Jesus' walking around with His people.  LOL.  And then I thought: Ok Jesus.  You are with me.   You are with us.  So, what are you doing?  Are you praying?  Are you a hedge of protection around us?  Are you guiding the train so we stay safe?  Are you wrapping your arms around us (that was a beautiful thought).  My prayer is that you and I would always remember that Jesus is with us and that we would come to understand what that means.  As I write this I think of: "There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24) and also, if He's right there, we can call on Him and have Him handle it.  I wish that I could get to the point where when I'm in trouble I turn around and say "Hey, Jesus, would you handle this please?"  Some situations are harder than others.  And also we think that we have to wait for our prayer time to pray...no.  We can pray whenever and wherever!

Persistence

God is not changed by the shifting shadows.  God is not "moved" by my emotions - not that He doesn't feel for me, but that He does not act on my feelings.  And, He won't reject me if I "fail" Him by getting anxious or angry or sad.  He created my body and my mind and my heart so He knows what I'm going through and He will love me in every season.  I know that He can heal me if He wants to.  He already has.  I know that He will continue the work He started in me.  (I just wish it would happen now lol). 

Worship was amazing this morning!  Worship is my warfare and there is power in my praise.  I can't lie, I wish that I would've left the altar to find and experience the manifestation of my complete healing.  I'm sad that things still just aren't the way I want them to be right now but it could be a whole lot worse BUT GOD...!  And I know that it will get better.  I'm trying so hard to hold on to my joy but I thank God for this morning that I was able to give Him both my joy AND my pain, my love AND my sadness, my faith AND my doubts.  I also realized, it takes faith even just to ask.  It's like, if I go to a restaurant and I order, I have faith that they have the food that I want and that they're gonna give it to me.  Sometimes I think we feel bad asking over and over again, and I've heard people say "When you go to a restaurant, you order and then you wait, right?  You don't ask: 'Are you gonna give me my food? Is my food ready?' You don't keep saying, 'Please please give me my food!'" And I get that, but then there was the persistent widow in the Bible (see Luke 18) and there's also the story of someone who went to his friend asking for bread and the friend said that he and his family were already in bed but because of the friend's persistence the friend will get up and give him the bread (see Luke 11).  So when I was worshiping and praying this morning I was encouraged to not feel bad for begging God.  He knows I'm like dust and He knows I get upset about things and He knows that I struggle.  It's not easy to walk in faith.  But I'm trying.  I'm gonna keep fighting until I get the answer and I'm just praying for grace in the meantime. 

Friends :)

A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity. Proverbs 17: 17

Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart. Proverbs 27: 9

The worst part about going through something is feeling like you are doing it alone because you cannot talk to anyone.  My prayer lately had been: "God, either bring me someone I can talk to or be enough for me."  But I was feeling so burdened and isolated and lonely - on top of the other feelings associated with my situation.  

And I kept wanting to talk to my old friends but it just wasn't happening.  But tonight God opened an opportunity to talk to people who have recently come into my life and it helped me so much.  It was so good to have people to talk to, people who will listen to you and pray for you and even just hug you and let you cry with them.  

I am so thankful for them and will continue to pray for them and nurture our friendship.  We are growing together, doing life together.  It's a beautiful thing. 

Psalm 133
How wonderful and pleasant it is
    when brothers live together in harmony!
² For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil
    that was poured over Aaron’s head,
    that ran down his beard
    and onto the border of his robe.
³ Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon
    that falls on the mountains of Zion.
And there the Lord has pronounced his blessing,
    even life everlasting.

Open My Eyes / Lord I Need You

When all that I see are my circumstances

When the only truth I know is pain
Lord I need you.

I’d say all Hell is breaking loose around me

But it feels more like it’s piling on top of me.

When I have to fight the darkness outside

In the midst of the lies and the fear on the inside

Lord I need you.

You want me to stand but I can’t even get up.

I feel so weighed down.

Lord I need you.

I need You and I know You’re there and yet I don’t feel You.

Show me Your face God.

Show me Your hands.

Open my eyes.
Yes.

Like You responded to the tears of Hagar and her offspring

And showed her how what she needed was right there,

See me and see my future generation and show me where the water is.

Open my eyes.

Yes.

Like You responded to Elisha and showed his servant that so many more were for him then were surrounding him,

Open the eyes of me, your servant, and show me that You are for me and that You are mighty.

Yes.

Open my eyes.

There’s a purpose for the desert!

Twice Hagar found herself in the desert. Twice Hagar found GOD in the desert. The first time, He gave her His word. The second time, He gave her provision. And that time, it wasn't even her own tears that moved God. She was crying in her heart, but her son was crying out loud and God heard the boy's tears and blessed Hagar! Twice Hagar found herself in the desert. Twice Hagar found GOD in the desert. The first time, He gave her His word. The second time, He gave her provision. And that time, it wasn't even her own tears that moved God. She was crying in her heart, but her son was crying out loud and God heard his tears and took care of the mother.

The first time, Hagar ran to the desert to try to escape. The second time she was forced there. I wonder what would’ve happened if she wasn’t in the desert? And it makes me wonder: What does God want to show me or do for me in the middle of this desert? And how much worse would it be if I WASN’T here? If I was comfortable would I know God the way I do now? (And I say this in faith and in gratitude because even though I don’t understand why God is allowing so much stuff to happen in my life right now, there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that I can doubt that He is God and that He is good and that He is still at work and that His provision is on the way. I have to believe that He sees me like He saw Hagar and that He’s gonna open my eyes to everything that I need to get through this.)