Persistence

God is not changed by the shifting shadows.  God is not "moved" by my emotions - not that He doesn't feel for me, but that He does not act on my feelings.  And, He won't reject me if I "fail" Him by getting anxious or angry or sad.  He created my body and my mind and my heart so He knows what I'm going through and He will love me in every season.  I know that He can heal me if He wants to.  He already has.  I know that He will continue the work He started in me.  (I just wish it would happen now lol). 

Worship was amazing this morning!  Worship is my warfare and there is power in my praise.  I can't lie, I wish that I would've left the altar to find and experience the manifestation of my complete healing.  I'm sad that things still just aren't the way I want them to be right now but it could be a whole lot worse BUT GOD...!  And I know that it will get better.  I'm trying so hard to hold on to my joy but I thank God for this morning that I was able to give Him both my joy AND my pain, my love AND my sadness, my faith AND my doubts.  I also realized, it takes faith even just to ask.  It's like, if I go to a restaurant and I order, I have faith that they have the food that I want and that they're gonna give it to me.  Sometimes I think we feel bad asking over and over again, and I've heard people say "When you go to a restaurant, you order and then you wait, right?  You don't ask: 'Are you gonna give me my food? Is my food ready?' You don't keep saying, 'Please please give me my food!'" And I get that, but then there was the persistent widow in the Bible (see Luke 18) and there's also the story of someone who went to his friend asking for bread and the friend said that he and his family were already in bed but because of the friend's persistence the friend will get up and give him the bread (see Luke 11).  So when I was worshiping and praying this morning I was encouraged to not feel bad for begging God.  He knows I'm like dust and He knows I get upset about things and He knows that I struggle.  It's not easy to walk in faith.  But I'm trying.  I'm gonna keep fighting until I get the answer and I'm just praying for grace in the meantime.