Allow me to share my heart tonight (I shut the computer to do
some reading before bed but had to turn it on again to share this). I'm
going through an old journal and see a shocking parallel to what I am
currently experiencing. I WISH it weren't so. I wish that I could be
done with these things once and for all but I am so thankful. I'm
thankful for God's faithfulness and
consistency in my life; that He has never left me or forsaken me, even
in my mess and my mistakes. I am thankful that He brought me to this
point and has led me to read these journals. So I wanted to share a poem
that I began back in 2013 and continued today. I sense that just as
this poem is continuously being added to and altered, this is not the
end of me. Perhaps this is not the end of the situation. But there's a
hand that holds me when no one even knows what I'm going through (and
that's the way it should be). There's a God that loves me and does not
reject me.
I'm in
awe, as i write this, because GOD who is the only one who has the right
to turn His back on me never does. I know I'm accepted but I struggle
with accepting certain parts of myself. It's just beautiful, because I
would expect that in these very situations God would want to look away
from me but instead He constantly showers me with love and support and
protection. Incredible. <3 Him so much. Be encouraged, whoever you
are who is going through something.
This is the dark night of the soul.
This is where the scriptures come alive and fight for me,
Where God raises up a standard on my behalf against the principalities.
This is the valley of the shadow
Of death? No, for I shall live. But perhaps, yes, for something in me has to die
And if yes, well then this is where God fulfills His vows:
In sickness and in health.
Oh wait, oh even death could not do us part
Because we are One. We are of one heart.
Even though my section seems contaminated.
Now is where He begins to soften me, smooth me, and clean me
Because I feel so dirty –
Truly a mess
But God loves me as I am.
And this is where He shows me.
This is where God shows me unconditional love.
And where He teaches me to offer myself, and Him, the same.
Oh God,
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
May I fear no evil for You are with me
May You lead me by still waters
May You take me by the hand and deliver me
But not until I’ve learned what I need to learn.
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