Ok...without going into too much detail (because some of the particulars are between me and God and like two or three other people... and some only me and God)...I do wanna praise God for tonight.
It was Divine Design's first bilingual service!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so blessed to be a part of it because I've been going there for about two years steadily now and I love it and I love my pastors and the people there (which I will get into later) and I really feel like part of the family more and more now and so I was proud to see the new thing that God is doing with the young adults.
And I soooo felt the love and the power of God upon Luke, Yvette, Luis and Lizeth. And upon all the young people. It was also good to see some of the older people there as well to show there support. That was beautiful. I felt the anointing over the worship team and I am praying and believing God for an outpouring of provision, healing, and whatever else the worshipers need. I felt the unity of the spirit. I felt that everyone involved really believe what they say and sing and pray. I felt so important and loved and not because of what I can do but because of who I am. :,) Wow. What a revelation. It makes me cry just accepting that fact. That's a major breakthrough in my life. And that is how God is restoring me. See a few years ago there was something I would do ... good something ... and then I stopped. And every year at the Divine Design anniversary God would remind me of it so this year I told Pastor Yvette and told her to keep me accountable. And she is helping me and of course God is too and a few other people. So I'm doing it again, in a different way though and God is showing me so much through this experience. So much about me and Him. See I'm usually afraid to try things because I'm afraid I'm going to fail especially if I've tried them before and failed. But God told me today that when I fall short is when He can carry me on His shoulders. Isn't that so beautiful? To know that when we are lacking He makes up for it and that He loves us even in our brokenness.
I thank God for the beautiful relaxing time of fellowship we had too. I took pictures with my girlies and some dudes and it was so awesome because I'm starting to really feel good about myself lately and have been treating myself a lot better so I wasn't worried or anything. Plus, people actually wanted to take pics with me. In the past I would usually be on the outside looking in. Now I'm accepted. :)
Aye...so much I wanna say but that's all I got for now. It's late. Church in the a.m. and plus like I said, some things just have to sit and stir between you and God. More to come eventually :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
New (Part 1)
This is going to probably take two blogs. So much has been going on lately but I have to give God the praise and I want to share it here so someone could maybe be encouraged.
For starters, I have to say that God has been restoring me. And it's funny that I'm saying that because I was just crying out for Him to restore me in some particular area(s) but I thank Him because there are things I never thought I would be healed from and things I never thought I could conquer but little by little.....
I thank Him for these tests. It seems like it's been a serious testing period for me but I'm learning oh so much. I'm seeing the fact that in order to be restored you have to go through the same thing again sometimes. It's like...I've failed a bunch of "tests" but I thank God that in His mercy He has sustained me and allowed me to retake them. And now I guess I'm in the phase of retaking the tests. The parts that I still mess up on, He's allowing me to see where my heart still needs to be healed or where I need to still surrender and trust Him. And then there are parts which I finally have begun to pass and He tells me He's proud of me and allows me to be proud of myself. And either way He's showing me how much He loves me: unconditionally.
I thank Him because there are relationships that I thought would never be the same but some of them are like back to normal. It's so so beautiful.
I thank Him because He's been showing me my purpose and my passion and so specifically but at the same time, in His grace, mercy and wisdom He is showing me how to take it nice and slow. And He's giving me peace about it. He's giving me peace about the process and I'm able to enjoy and learn from even that.
I know that I've changed a lot.
I'm really seeking and desiring Him like never before. I'm getting stronger. I'm walking into my destiny. I'm getting up quicker when I fall. I'm really feelin this lol. I can't really explain it (it would take too long) but these are the things that I hold in my spirit and I have to think about from time to time (or often...).
Never would I have imagined four years ago that I would be where I'm at now and I thank GOD that HE has brought me this far.
For starters, I have to say that God has been restoring me. And it's funny that I'm saying that because I was just crying out for Him to restore me in some particular area(s) but I thank Him because there are things I never thought I would be healed from and things I never thought I could conquer but little by little.....
I thank Him for these tests. It seems like it's been a serious testing period for me but I'm learning oh so much. I'm seeing the fact that in order to be restored you have to go through the same thing again sometimes. It's like...I've failed a bunch of "tests" but I thank God that in His mercy He has sustained me and allowed me to retake them. And now I guess I'm in the phase of retaking the tests. The parts that I still mess up on, He's allowing me to see where my heart still needs to be healed or where I need to still surrender and trust Him. And then there are parts which I finally have begun to pass and He tells me He's proud of me and allows me to be proud of myself. And either way He's showing me how much He loves me: unconditionally.
I thank Him because there are relationships that I thought would never be the same but some of them are like back to normal. It's so so beautiful.
I thank Him because He's been showing me my purpose and my passion and so specifically but at the same time, in His grace, mercy and wisdom He is showing me how to take it nice and slow. And He's giving me peace about it. He's giving me peace about the process and I'm able to enjoy and learn from even that.
I know that I've changed a lot.
I'm really seeking and desiring Him like never before. I'm getting stronger. I'm walking into my destiny. I'm getting up quicker when I fall. I'm really feelin this lol. I can't really explain it (it would take too long) but these are the things that I hold in my spirit and I have to think about from time to time (or often...).
Never would I have imagined four years ago that I would be where I'm at now and I thank GOD that HE has brought me this far.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
PREPARATION!
I've been asking God "why am I going through this?" And tonight...wow...I received an answer. This is preparation. It scared me but I heard the Holy Spirit say "Why are you scared when I'm saying I'm going to be with you." And He gave me the scripture, Isaiah 43...specifically verse 2 but when I just looked it up right now, the whole chapter spoke to me and confirmed. I don't wanna say here what specifically it meant but I know why I am in the preparation phase.
That part I'll share...
It's because, when I received the word I noticed my reaction at first was fear. "Really God? There's more than this?" Kuz the fire always seems so HOT and UNBEARABLE but we grin and bear it knowing that Daddy is molding us and has His eye on us and knows just how much we need and just how much we can take. We will not get BURNED or BURNED OUT because He is our strength and our hope and our love. Aye yaye yaye I can't tell you how scared I was/am.
Then my next reaction was "NOOOO! I dont wannaa!" I know the stubbornness comes from a place of pain. There's still a part of my heart that needs to heal. But I don't want to be like Jonah. I wanna be what God has called me to be and I know what that is. I know who I am in God. He has shown me so beautifully and clearly and though at times I don't think I can do it, I know He knows I can do it and I am up for the challenge.
Even just writing this today, I write this from a place I didn't know was in me ... until I had passed through some waters and been through some fires. I know that I've been refined. I know that it all came at a price but I now see the value.
My Lord and my God help me receive this and ponder this so as I get ready for those times and when I go through those times, I will remember. Cause me to use the memories of victories past to give me confidence IN YOU in this new season/situation. I thank You that You tell me I can do it because it's not about me it's about You. I thank You that You are getting me ready and when the time comes I WILL DO ALL THAT YOU HAVE CALLED ME TO DO. I thank You for the call God because I am so unworthy but You have chosen me of all the people you could have chosen to do this specific task. I'm Yours Lord and You are mine. Have Your way Lord. And I really mean that. And I want You to remind me of that when the time comes :)
Love You,
Jess
That part I'll share...
It's because, when I received the word I noticed my reaction at first was fear. "Really God? There's more than this?" Kuz the fire always seems so HOT and UNBEARABLE but we grin and bear it knowing that Daddy is molding us and has His eye on us and knows just how much we need and just how much we can take. We will not get BURNED or BURNED OUT because He is our strength and our hope and our love. Aye yaye yaye I can't tell you how scared I was/am.
Then my next reaction was "NOOOO! I dont wannaa!" I know the stubbornness comes from a place of pain. There's still a part of my heart that needs to heal. But I don't want to be like Jonah. I wanna be what God has called me to be and I know what that is. I know who I am in God. He has shown me so beautifully and clearly and though at times I don't think I can do it, I know He knows I can do it and I am up for the challenge.
Even just writing this today, I write this from a place I didn't know was in me ... until I had passed through some waters and been through some fires. I know that I've been refined. I know that it all came at a price but I now see the value.
My Lord and my God help me receive this and ponder this so as I get ready for those times and when I go through those times, I will remember. Cause me to use the memories of victories past to give me confidence IN YOU in this new season/situation. I thank You that You tell me I can do it because it's not about me it's about You. I thank You that You are getting me ready and when the time comes I WILL DO ALL THAT YOU HAVE CALLED ME TO DO. I thank You for the call God because I am so unworthy but You have chosen me of all the people you could have chosen to do this specific task. I'm Yours Lord and You are mine. Have Your way Lord. And I really mean that. And I want You to remind me of that when the time comes :)
Love You,
Jess
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