PREPARATION!

I've been asking God "why am I going through this?" And tonight...wow...I received an answer.  This is preparation.  It scared me but I heard the Holy Spirit say "Why are you scared when I'm saying I'm going to be with you."  And He gave me the scripture, Isaiah 43...specifically verse 2 but when I just looked it up right now, the whole chapter spoke to me and confirmed.  I don't wanna say here what specifically it meant but I know why I am in the preparation phase. 

That part I'll share...

It's because, when I received the word I noticed my reaction at first was fear.  "Really God?  There's more than this?" Kuz the fire always seems so HOT and UNBEARABLE but we grin and bear it knowing that Daddy is molding us and has His eye on us and knows just how much we need and just how much we can take.  We will not get BURNED or BURNED OUT because He is our strength and our hope and our love.  Aye yaye yaye I can't tell you how scared I was/am.

Then my next reaction was "NOOOO!  I dont wannaa!"  I know the stubbornness comes from a place of pain.  There's still a part of my heart that needs to heal.  But I don't want to be like Jonah.  I wanna be what God has called me to be and I know what that is.  I know who I am in God.  He has shown me so beautifully and clearly and though at times I don't think I can do it, I know He knows I can do it and I am up for the challenge. 

Even just writing this today, I write this from a place I didn't know was in me ... until I had passed through some waters and been through some fires.  I know that I've been refined.  I know that it all came at a price but I now see the value. 

My Lord and my God help me receive this and ponder this so as I get ready for those times and when I go through those times, I will remember.  Cause me to use the memories of victories past to give me confidence IN YOU in this new season/situation.  I thank You that You tell me I can do it because it's not about me it's about You.  I thank You that You are getting me ready and when the time comes I WILL DO ALL THAT YOU HAVE CALLED ME TO DO.  I thank You for the call God because I am so unworthy but You have chosen me of all the people you could have chosen to do this specific task.  I'm Yours Lord and You are mine.  Have Your way Lord.  And I really mean that.  And I want You to remind me of that when the time comes :) 

Love You,

Jess