Power in the Name of God - Draw Near

Last night was one of those times when I felt so far away from God.  I was lying in bed awake and just felt profoundly lonely and as all these horrible thoughts came to mind I realized that I've allowed my mind and my heart to get distracted and bruised and far from God.  But this morning I read my devotionals and one of them was about calling on the names of God.  As I read the names and descriptions of God out loud, I felt so close to Him.  I felt some of the bitterness go away and the anxiety and sadness dissipate.  I felt joy and peace arise - a peace and joy that were always there and that in the depth of me I felt last night though I was so afraid but the circumstances were blocking me from fully grasping that.  But as my faith overrode my fear I felt such a release.  Truly there is power in the name of God.  I realized what it was - I drew near to God and the Bible says in James 4:8 - "Draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you."

Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego

Tonight we read the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fire.  I've read it a million times but tonight the speaker said something so very poignant that it lead me to repentance and worship.  Those three Jewish boys trusted their God even though they hadn't seen His hand move.  They had just had their town and temple ransacked.  They were a scattered people in captivity.  It almost seemed like God had forsaken them and yet they still trusted God so much that they were willing to be thrown into the fire for Him.  They didn't try to defend themselves because they trusted that God was their defender and deliverer.  They didn't give in to fear or idolatry.  They also loved God so much that previously to this they had done a fast (with Daniel).  It had never dawned on me before.  All this stuff that they'd been through yet they still had every reason to trust and love God.  So then, what right do I have to doubt, to not trust, to put something or someone above God?  What right do I have to get angry with Him and allow my circumstances or fear or emotions to steal the worship and glory of God?  What right do I have when I KNOW GOD!?  I've seen His mighty hand personally in my life.  Oh to have the faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego....

A lot of times I wonder if this process is worth it.  I don't seem to be getting answers (or...answers that I deem acceptable lol).  And I worry that I'm opening a can of worms.  And I'm confused as to why things are going this way.  But I have to be aware that even if what I want to happen doesn't happen, there have been many blessings I've given and received along the way so I need to be grateful. 

Today I heard myself saying out loud "I can see it. I can see it." Even though in the physical I couldn't see it somewhere in my spirit I could see it.  That's faith!  The speaking out is the act of faith.  I spoke it into the atmosphere because I don't need to see a visual physical representation of something to see it.  The faith, the word that God gave me, His promise, that's all I need.  

Seeing is NOT believing.  Why?  I was reminded of this tonight.  I prayed based on what I believed the Spirit was telling me and then what I saw didn't line up with what I prayed but that's okay because I don't know everything that's going on.  I don't know what's going on in peoples' lives or minds.  I just have to believe that I heard the Spirit of God and prayed appropriately.  

Suddenly I'm reminded of what was said on Wednesday at the orientationthingy at Nyack - "You'll never know until eternity how much you've helped someone".  You can always choose to be afraid but you can always choose to trust in the abilities that God gives you.  It's not me, it's God in me and it's God in that person.  Who am I to judge?

In an instant...

I just think it's amazing how I can be holding onto pain for years and years and then in one instant God says one word that just smashes that lie to pieces. He speaks one word of truth and it immediately smashes the chains into pieces. 

Like, right now, I'm sitting here doing reading for class but I'm a little distracted kuz I'm not feeling well and I think of something that someone once said to me and all of a sudden God showed me that unbeknownst to her or to me, what that person said was not actually accurate and all the guilt and pain and unforgiveness instantly disappeared. 

It reminds me: 
- God said "let there be light" and there instantly was light, "let there be birds and trees" and there were birds and trees....etc etc etc...in an instant God created. 
- God is with me, at all times, wherever I go. At any moment He can reveal and He can heal and He can perform miracles...etc etc etc... All I have to do is be sensitive to Him and be ready and be open :,) 
   

Have You Ever Been To Emmaus?

So I'm on my way to Emmaus
You know I just don't understand 
Lord - if that is Your real name, 
if I can call You that, 
Where'd You go.
I thought You were the One.
Thought You would've saved us.
Thought You could've saved Yourself.
Why did You let them crucify You?
And, weren't You going to rise?
But it seems they dragged You away.


So I drag my feet to Emmaus, 
Lamenting with a friend,
And now to make matters worse - 
Some rude stranger shows up
Interrupts are conversation 
And makes light of Your death.
I feel this burning in my heart.
Friend, do you feel it too?
Am I that angry?
Anyway...we keep walking


We keep walking to Emmaus 
And this person keeps talking to us 
We listen to be polite but really don't want to hear it.
We're too sad,
Too busy missing Jesus.

We get to Emmaus 
And offer this visitor inside
He breaks bread, gives thanks and opens up our eyes.
Suddenly we realize it was You the whole time!
But then we try to talk to You - 
For now we have so much to say
So many more questions, we want to hear Your wisdom 
But now again You go away.


But this time we know that it was You 
So we run back home and share the news
And while we're talking about You, You appear again.
There You are, the Spirit of the Father, the Son, in the flesh.


Now this time around it's the others that don't believe 
But You let them touch You themselves and now they can see 


So now we all know Lord it was You all along 
Now you bless us and leave us but this time it's okay
You're sending us Your Holy Spirit to stay 
And even just this little glimpse of You was enough 
Once we understood who it was 


A few things are notable about Luke 24:
- the disciples knew that Jesus would rise but then when He disappeared they didn't make the connection - understandable though....we've all been there. We're looking for Jesus and stop short after the crucifixion.  We don't dare go past that to the resurrection - and this after we have the Word of God, we know for a fact that He's resurrected. We don't have it as hard as the disciples who had to rely completely on faith. We have to have faith - in the Word. They had to have faith in the Living Word. And if it were me, if I just watched someone I loved get killed so brutally I just might forget that He said He'd be back.

- while Jesus was speaking the men on the road knew something funny was goin' on but they didn't pay attention.  How many times is Jesus right there and I'm too busy being depressed or complaining to notice the familiar pings in my heart.  It took Him breaking the bread, it took something that they'd done/seen/heard before to remind them. That's how it is with me. Sometimes I need to, say, hear an old song or scripture that I had heard years or months ago when I was at a different season, where I knew that Jesus was with me, where God showed up, to make realize that He hasn't left or forsaken me. They may have had like a deja vu moment even. And if you want to take it a step further, it was in the BREAKING that He opened their eyes.  We need to remember the crucifixion and all that that meant in order to grasp the resurrection.  

- a similar thing happened with the other disciples.  While they were too busy questioning and being scared and stunned Jesus asked for fish.  This reminds me of when He multiplied the bread and fish (twice!).  Maybe that is what reminded them.  Maybe they had to remember His provision and His miracles.  They saw the scars but still were too shocked.  They needed that extra little something.  

- and, the clincher for both groups of people was the fact that Jesus knew and quoted the Word of God. Imagine? The Living Word of God Himself talking about the scriptures that talked about Him.  Jesus didn't need to prove Himself but He did and the way He did that was by using the source.  One way that God reveals Himself to me is through the scriptures - just as He did when He was in their presence after He resurrected.  

Amazing God!

Philippians 1:18b-19

It's late but I would be remiss if I didn't document at least a little bit of what's going on right now.

Just have to say...this has been a really difficult season in my life but yet I can't help but thank God. In some ways, this is all new for me which is part of why it's so difficult. But another thing that's new for me is my reaction. I can honestly say, even though it's a battle and a half and I'm not out of the woods yet, I am learning that God is walking me through, directing my paths, making straight ways for me, keeping me safe, sustaining me, and holding me. And He is giving me such revelation that I cannot help but be thankful.  And I'm thankful in advance because even though at times I want to just give up on the process it is in this season that I am seeing just how valuable the "fire" is and how God is our light in the darkest times.  It's like, even though my faith is struggling in some ways, in other ways I've come to a new dimension of faith. And, from that faith, again, springs GRATITUDE! And I believe that that gratitude is what is in part opening up doors for me - doors of MORE REVELATION, MORE JOY, PEACE. In the midst of the stormiest storms there is a certain safety that I feel - knowing that I am in God's hands, knowing that I have my family (blood family and church family) by my side whenever and in whatever capacity I need them.

And I am so grateful because I know that this healing, this deliverance process that is taking place, it is not only benefiting me but it is benefiting other people. And that's always my prayer - "God make it worth it!!! Use it for Your glory!" As I'm finding out the truth (and ... trying to ... accept it) God is surrounding me with other people that need to know that truth - of course in His timing. It's amazing because I'm not even through with the process yet and I'm already experiencing God's glory - I'm already seeing His purposes revealed. And also, He's surrounding me with people that have insight on what I'm going through because, lo and behold, they are going through it too.  I'm learning that I'm not alone.  Thank God for the people that sharpen my iron and for those whose iron, God-willing I can sharpen too.