Just gotta say...
God has given me certain of the desires of my heart. Some of what I've been asking for is: to be able to spend more time and quality time with God and continue to develop a deeper relationship. and that He would help me in school. He's done both of these things by causing me to make one critical adjustment. Though I seek Him whenever and wherever, and at night I try to make sure to pray and pour out and receive from God, my main time of fellowship with God is now in the mornings. Now no matter what happens during the day, I know that I've made time to speak to and hear from God. I can stay up late doing homework and not feel bad that I'm going to crash as soon as my head hits the pillow. I will have already taken time with God, which should be my main priority. I've also noticed that I somehow tend to have more time to do things when I give the first bit of my time to God. And I gotta say, even though I'm going through a lot right now, and I have my bad days or bad moments, overall I think I can say that I have more peace and joy than before because I am learning to make peace with God and with myself. I am becoming more secure in my relationship with God. When I get in His presence in the morning, I feel like He's with me all day (which He is anyway but I guess it makes me aware and helps me focus on noticing it). I get this sense at various times through the day that my prayer that He would take control of the day is coming to pass. When I get off the bus in the afternoon, or come into the house at night, or put my head on the pillow, I am reminded that God has answered my prayers for safety.
I gotta say, I gotta believe, I'm getting stronger and being restored (little by little) and healed and set free and overcoming and I gotta say....it's all because I'm spending more time with God or even if I'm not spending a lot of "time" with God, my heart is in a better place and God honors that even if I make mistakes or dont quite feel it all the time.
:) <3
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Just some thanksgiving reflection
Just thinking back on my thanksgiving pasts and I've had some really bad ones. I remember for years when I was in a pit and it was horrible for me and for my family. And the memories, particularly of one traumatizing one would resurface every year and it was always awkward. For years I was stuck in such a pit that I couldn't be grateful. Now though I realize that I do have a lot to be thankful for and things are a lot better than before and I really have to keep that in perspective and in mind.
Thank God for redeeming me and healing me. Even though I have my ups and downs, I'm much happier than probably I've ever been in my life.
Thank God for redeeming me and healing me. Even though I have my ups and downs, I'm much happier than probably I've ever been in my life.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
No Excuses
I know I've said before that I'm tired of things standing in my way but sometimes I still let it happen (I'm not perfect). But God promises to keep fighting for us when we can't fight for ourselves. I'm like 'God why do You keep picking me up again, reminding me, healing me, forgiving me....' And He says "Because you have a purpose." He has something for me and for you to do and He will do what it takes to get us to that point (Phil 1:6).
Tonight I was in my resistance mode but God just broke me outta that of course. First, hearing a worship song that was a song I had in my heart when I was trying to spend time with the Lord this morning. Then it was specific confirmations such as "You're not gonna die in the desert" which a sister had prayed over me in the small group last time and which was my facebook status Friday night.
Then a particular brother was sitting across from me, sorta in the back, and i thought "gee he never sits back here." But God used him to minister to me a few times - twice by saying hi to me and asking how I was doing and just being there and once by actually praying with me and praying for some specific needs that I had which he had no idea of knowing about.
Then they called up the youth and I didnt want to go. I said "Im not a youth." But finally i went up and am so glad I did. I hesitated at first because my heart has been so heavy all day. But wouldnt you know it - that's what they prayed for. And they used a scripture that I read this morning in my time with the Lord.
All these things empowered me to fight by showing me just how much God loves me and by reassuring me that He sees me, He knows me, and He promises to heal my heart and restore me.
He is just so awesome. <3
Be encouraged! God bless you and restore you. Psalm 51.
Tonight I was in my resistance mode but God just broke me outta that of course. First, hearing a worship song that was a song I had in my heart when I was trying to spend time with the Lord this morning. Then it was specific confirmations such as "You're not gonna die in the desert" which a sister had prayed over me in the small group last time and which was my facebook status Friday night.
Then a particular brother was sitting across from me, sorta in the back, and i thought "gee he never sits back here." But God used him to minister to me a few times - twice by saying hi to me and asking how I was doing and just being there and once by actually praying with me and praying for some specific needs that I had which he had no idea of knowing about.
Then they called up the youth and I didnt want to go. I said "Im not a youth." But finally i went up and am so glad I did. I hesitated at first because my heart has been so heavy all day. But wouldnt you know it - that's what they prayed for. And they used a scripture that I read this morning in my time with the Lord.
All these things empowered me to fight by showing me just how much God loves me and by reassuring me that He sees me, He knows me, and He promises to heal my heart and restore me.
He is just so awesome. <3
Be encouraged! God bless you and restore you. Psalm 51.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Putting God First
So much good stuff's been happening lately - lots of reasons, as always, to praise God...but I will cherish them all in my heart but I do wanna share one thing with you today to encourage and inspire you as well as myself (:P).
Lately I've been so sick and tired of feeling stuck and I realized that so much has been getting in the way of my relationship with God. I always tried to read the Word and spend time with God at night but the night is the hardest time for me so often I wouldn't get to read or pray or I'd get distracted. So lying in bed last night, God said "Why don't you switch the time then and seek Me in the morning?" GREAT IDEA GOD! ;)
I've heard a lot about this and although there have been times when I've done that, I always scorned the thought of that when others would tell me that. I thought "that's not for me." or "I'm not one of THOSE people." etc. But alas...I figured what's the harm in trying?
It was amazing! As soon as I opened my eyes and the attacks started coming, I turned my anger and fear and worry into prayer and praise. I got such a deep realization that God is still God regardless of my circumstances so it shouldn't matter what's going on around me - I can still pray and I can still praise and He is oh so worthy. I had a great time of prayer, intercession, worship and then I even read the Word. It was so powerful and filled me with such joy and peace. (Zecharaiah 12, esp. 2-3 ... I highly recommend it)
Throughout the day things seemed to flow so much better and I feel like I had more self-control and patience and joy than I usually do. And I saw that all day things were falling into place. I had time to seek God. I had time to eat breakfast. I had time to make lunch. I had time to do homework and found just what I was looking for and had time to eat before class. The bus and I got to the stop at the same time. I even got home earlier. I only had a few pages to read for tomorrow so I had time to relax, play games, hang out with my dad, hang out with my sister and her bf and parents and bro. I'm almost done with my paper for Wednesday. I think it's good. I printed out my paper for tomorrow.
I mean I could go on and on - it was just amazing! I really think that starting the day with God made it so much better. Maybe that's because God is honoring me but it could also be that it put me in His presence and a good mindset pretty much all day long so I was open to see what probably happens all the time but I don't have time to realize because I get so upset at times.
Either way, I think I'll try it again tomorrow. Also, this way if I have a struggle tonight, at least I know I did the right thing in the morning.
Lately I've been so sick and tired of feeling stuck and I realized that so much has been getting in the way of my relationship with God. I always tried to read the Word and spend time with God at night but the night is the hardest time for me so often I wouldn't get to read or pray or I'd get distracted. So lying in bed last night, God said "Why don't you switch the time then and seek Me in the morning?" GREAT IDEA GOD! ;)
I've heard a lot about this and although there have been times when I've done that, I always scorned the thought of that when others would tell me that. I thought "that's not for me." or "I'm not one of THOSE people." etc. But alas...I figured what's the harm in trying?
It was amazing! As soon as I opened my eyes and the attacks started coming, I turned my anger and fear and worry into prayer and praise. I got such a deep realization that God is still God regardless of my circumstances so it shouldn't matter what's going on around me - I can still pray and I can still praise and He is oh so worthy. I had a great time of prayer, intercession, worship and then I even read the Word. It was so powerful and filled me with such joy and peace. (Zecharaiah 12, esp. 2-3 ... I highly recommend it)
Throughout the day things seemed to flow so much better and I feel like I had more self-control and patience and joy than I usually do. And I saw that all day things were falling into place. I had time to seek God. I had time to eat breakfast. I had time to make lunch. I had time to do homework and found just what I was looking for and had time to eat before class. The bus and I got to the stop at the same time. I even got home earlier. I only had a few pages to read for tomorrow so I had time to relax, play games, hang out with my dad, hang out with my sister and her bf and parents and bro. I'm almost done with my paper for Wednesday. I think it's good. I printed out my paper for tomorrow.
I mean I could go on and on - it was just amazing! I really think that starting the day with God made it so much better. Maybe that's because God is honoring me but it could also be that it put me in His presence and a good mindset pretty much all day long so I was open to see what probably happens all the time but I don't have time to realize because I get so upset at times.
Either way, I think I'll try it again tomorrow. Also, this way if I have a struggle tonight, at least I know I did the right thing in the morning.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
"Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free"
John 8:31-32 says "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."
I decided recently (ahh something I've decided before but then neglected) to stop hiding from the truth. There's a song that says "...and I will open up my heart and let the healer set me free."
When we started worshiping at church tonight I was feeling a little ... "unfree". As we began to pray thanking God for who He was and what He's done I started feeling a little more "free" but still a little off. I remember thinking to myself (or I guess, praying to God) that I want this feeling to go away. I want to be unhindered. I don't wanna leave the way I came in. And I want my prayers to be affective. Because I had told God I wanted to know the truth, my heart was open to it. I'm trying my best to follow God and to seek Him. I am trying to learn from Him and therefore I am considered His disciple and therefore I have this promise. And I have the promise that if I call on Him He will show me hidden things (Jeremiah 33:3). Well suddenly He revealed something into my heart. And as He showed me the TRUTH I was able to confront and confess a situation in my heart. And as I did that I realized what was being said in the service. And what was being said ... was answered prayer and the encouragement and the word that I needed.
God got me, once again :D <3
I decided recently (ahh something I've decided before but then neglected) to stop hiding from the truth. There's a song that says "...and I will open up my heart and let the healer set me free."
When we started worshiping at church tonight I was feeling a little ... "unfree". As we began to pray thanking God for who He was and what He's done I started feeling a little more "free" but still a little off. I remember thinking to myself (or I guess, praying to God) that I want this feeling to go away. I want to be unhindered. I don't wanna leave the way I came in. And I want my prayers to be affective. Because I had told God I wanted to know the truth, my heart was open to it. I'm trying my best to follow God and to seek Him. I am trying to learn from Him and therefore I am considered His disciple and therefore I have this promise. And I have the promise that if I call on Him He will show me hidden things (Jeremiah 33:3). Well suddenly He revealed something into my heart. And as He showed me the TRUTH I was able to confront and confess a situation in my heart. And as I did that I realized what was being said in the service. And what was being said ... was answered prayer and the encouragement and the word that I needed.
God got me, once again :D <3
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