Mark 4:35-41

When the storm came, even though the disciples were afraid and upset, they still managed to cry out to Jesus. They weren't sure if or how He was gonna calm the storm. They even had their doubts: "Don't You care if we drown?" But they didn't know who else to turn to and they knew they couldn't steer the boat on their own. They made the right decision because Jesus did calm the storm and although He challenged them: "Do you still have no faith?" He wasn't angry with them. 

In the middle of the storm, when all I can or want to do is scream and cry and even ask Jesus "Don't you care...?" I can still whisper a prayer. Even if there's not a lot of faith behind it, I just don't know where else to turn so I turn to Him and wouldn't you know it, He calms the storm! Sometimes not right away. Sometimes the waves still come and go. But He really does care and the wind and waves really do obey Him. :,) 

 

This is growth: To be able to go to God in the middle of my situation, in the middle of my emotions, and be honest with Him and come out of it praising Him. :,)

Am I really worth more than this?
Then why don't many people value me?
And don't tell me it's because I don't value myself
Because I'm learning.
But people still treat me wrong.
And don't tell me it's how I carry myself
Because I know how to be confident
And beautiful and sexy.

Just how valuable am I?
More than two sparrows?
What are sparrows worth?
So just what ARE sparrows?
They're so little
And they have cute squeaky little voices.
Some say they don't contribute much to society 
And that they don't have much to give back for what's been given them.
But You created them
And You love them
And without any expectations You feed and clothe and protect them
Hmm...sounds like the relationship You have with me.

Just how much am I worth?
A life?
Of your family?
Of nations in my stead?
Before I was even born because You saw me then, today?
And You gave me a chance at tomorrow.
Wow. Now that's love.

Lord, God, Holy Spirit . . . 
No one on this earth could love me more than You do 
So I settle for whatever I can find - 
For people who may love me one day and abuse me the next?
Who treat me like a princess and then like a slave?
Who miss me who miss me who can't wait to see me and then they forget I exist?
I can't have the best so I settle for less and I don't question it
But maybe I sell myself too short?

Illustrations

Two illustrations that God showed me today:

1- I heated up soup and it was really hot and yet I still kinda put my tongue on it. I knew it was gonna be hot / potentially burn me but I was like: instant gratification lol. I see this applies to other things too (ie: sin).  

2 - I was watching my dad play Angry Birds & he put the bird in the slingshot and pulled the slingshot back and then it launched the bird forward. Sometimes, we no we are about to be launched and we feel guilty when we feel like we've gone backwards but when something gets shot out of the slingshot / the bow, it goes back before going forward.  We need discernment to know whether we truly are going back (and it's our sinful nature / fault) or if we are just getting ready for God to launch us into our destiny.

<3

Amazing how God just showers His love on me.  Just to give a few examples from today:

- I was walking to church and my feet were so hurting and uncomfortable.  For some reason my boots just did not feel right today and I kept tripping and I was getting really annoyed.  As I was walking I was like, "God I dont know how I'm gonna get home with these boots."  I kinda forgot about them and was even running around with a little girl (in fact even how I got to be there was a whole other story, another miracle from God) but then I took them off so I could run faster lol and all of a sudden someone comes and says "hey I want you to try these boots on for me to see if they fit you."  I'm thinking, "this is weird."  I had forgotten that my feet were bothering me lol.  And there was someone else there but she didn't like boots.  I tried them on and they were actually a great fit.  Nice and cozy.  The LORD literally gave me a new pair of boots.  He saw my need and He provided.  Amazing.  

- A little while before I got my new boots, I was hanging around.  I had just gotten there (we were in the lower level of the church) and I wasn't sure how long I was going to stay - I was hungry.  All of a sudden, my Pastora came with pastelillos and asked if I had had one, which I hadn't because I'm trying to save money and I thought I'd be home soon but I was really hungry.  She didn't know that but she asked and I said no and she ended up giving me one.  It was really good too :) CHICKEN!  I've never had a chicken pastelillo.  And it filled me up which was great because I ended up just getting home a little while ago.  

And I just pray for all of you that you would begin to experience the favor of God and that you would give Him glory when He takes care of you.  Look for the little ways as well as the big ways that He showers you. He loves you and so do I!

Be encouraged!

God is awesome.  Even the "little things" are "miraculous" to me.  Like this morning I was wondering what to eat for breakfast and I kinda had a craving for waffles.  I haven't had them in ages!  I look in the freezer and there happened to be ONE waffle left!!!  I didn't even know it was there!  I heated it up, put some syrup on and guess what that one blueberry waffle filled me up until lunch time!!!  Incredible!!!  I thank You God for these "little things" that just make my day.  Truly this was a butterfly kiss from the Father to His little girl :,) <3

Was reading the Word and I ran into Matthew 27:15-18.  And it hit me: What if Jesus had been released?  What if Pilate had said something differently or stood his ground and overruled the people?  What if he hadn't washed his hands of the Jesus situation?  Then later, Pilate's wife even tried to tell him to not give Jesus over to be crucified.  Again, he wouldn't listen.  Then later, the people were saying 'If you're the Son of God then deliver yourself' and what if He had?!  If HE had delivered Himself, if He had given up, if the Father had taken the cup from Him as requested. If things were different than I would NOT be alive today. I would not have been set free to love God. The veil would not be torn, I would still be behind it. I would be scared to approach God or I wouldn't even know how. Thank You Jesus for Your sacrifice.  Thank You God that You allowed the people to be hardened...Amazing...it confirms what You say in Your Word that You give Egypt for my ransom, Cush and Seba in my stead" (Isaiah 43).  So, you allowed the current people and even your Son to suffer because You loved me and those that were yet to come so much.  And I hesitate to say this because people may think: Well why would God kill people?  Or Why would God harden their hearts? So then they didn't have a choice? But, first of all, they did have a choice and they repeatedly chose to have Jesus crucified. And second of all, God is not us. We are not God. You create the universe, you create heaven and earth and even hell, you create people and cause weather to happen and THEN MAYBE we'll talk about what God should have done...except that you can't do any of that.  So why should you judge God?  Just thank Him for the opportunity because even if you don't believe Him you still have an opportunity to repent and believe.  The bible says in Romans 10: “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,”^d that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: 9That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”^e 12For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”^f

14How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”^g

Sometimes the only One who can/will make you feel beautiful is the only One that has seen you in your ugliest.  I'm told a lot that I'm beautiful/pretty.  And I am not very self-conscious of late...then they sometimes add about how I'm beautiful on the inside.  And I'm like: UMMM.... I know that I have a good heart and good intentions.  God always reminds me who I am but sometimes I just feel so ugly inside and I'm like: if you would know my thoughts or what's REALLY going on or if you saw those skeletons in the closet you'd be like: EW!  And nobody really sees that part of me so I can see why they call me beautiful but then GOD Himself will speak directly to me and tell me that I'm beautiful and it just blows me away!  Kuz, see, GOD is the ONLY ONE who sees all of that but HE is the ONLY ONE that makes me beautiful - in Him.  Through the Blood of the Lamb.  He doesn't see me in my sin, He sees me how He made me.  I am the work of His hands, His masterpiece...*sigh*.  I'm so undeserving but He's so merciful and I so appreciate that He loves me so much and reminds me who I am.  And I love that He'll even use my mistakes/sins to show me who I am - and not to just pound me over the head and tell me I'm awful.  On the contrary.  He's like: I still love you.  You're gonna get through this.  Your beauty is not based on outward things or even circumstances.  I have made you beautiful.  I make you beautiful.

Why do we think that sin draws us away from God. Well, actually, it can lead us away but let me put it another way. Why do we think that sin causes God to stop loving us? Jesus died for my sins so when I think about my sin I should immediately see the cross and realize how much He loves me.  That's the ONLY reason He would've gone to the cross for me.  Because He loved me.  Kuz I didn't deserve it.  And He didn't deserve to die.  I should've been the one to be crucified and He knew that and He stepped in because He loved me and He took away the dirt and shame and guilt...I just need to really receive that......

<sup>Be encouraged today: "God is love" (1 John 4:8) so therefore, "God is patient. God is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He does not dishonor others, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).  No matter what we do, God still loves us.  He is merciful in that He doesn't give us what we deserve.  Jesus took the punishment and the turned back that we deserved.  Because of Him, God will never leave us or forsake us.  Because of Him, God is preparing a place for us to be with Him for all eternity.  Oh if we only believed and understood this, we would think very differently and live very differently.  The things that seem so big to us are sometimes so little in the grand scheme of things.  

We wouldn't have to be so afraid...

though that does not mean that we can just act out all the time because of Grace etc.  I was thinking about this: God but I sin so much. I don't want to sin. If I sin I am not obeying and I still won't make it to heaven...that kinda thinking.  So I went to the Word.  Romans 6 clarified it so well.  I need to embrace it.

I'm just gonna copy the whole thing in fact because all of it, I feel, is relevant and encouraging.</sup>

1What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

5If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with,^a that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

8Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness

15What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in^b Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

I was talking to someone a lil while ago and we were discussing fasting and consecration and stuff and it led him to say "like, who are we?" And I started thinking of the scriptures (Psalm 103:14, Psalm 78:38-39, 1 Peter 1:24 / Isaiah 40:6). And I'm like: "yeah Lord we are dust and grass" but I got such a revelation: Grass and dust/dirt, that is where things grow from. So, yes, we are weak and weary, and easily swayed, and our lives are but a vapor, but we serve a purpose.  With a seed and water and the right climate, God can create THROUGH us. So beautiful.

Freedom

"Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom...."  We are free to heal and free to be real and free to forgive. 

(I guess I'm pretty normal) It is really easy for me to develop a grudge.  And I always thought it was so hard to let go of them.  And I tend to look for justifications.  

But recently I heard a sermon on wrath and the pastor (Pastor Barry) said, "If you really forgave them, why is it so hard for you to speak to them?"  So that night I tested it out.  I talked to someone that I was holding something against and asked for forgiveness.  I had just heard a sermon by Charles Stanley and he and Barry said the same thing about how when you talk to them it shouldn't be about what they did wrong blah blah blah but what your role in it was - holding unforgiveness etc.  

Tonight I spoke to a few more people about things that I was holding back from them.  

Still got a ways to go but I am learning that it is not as hard as I thought it was...the Holy Spirit helps so much too!  And it really feels so much better to let go.  And there have been situations where I say "God I can't go to that person yet kuz im still hurt" but as I opened my mouth to speak that pain just PHEWWW started going away :).

There are still things that I feel like: NEVERRRR! But where it's God's will, God will make a way.  You just have to be obedient...

Words of Life

I kept getting phone calls from the NY Blood Center that there was a blood drive coming up today.  So finally I told them 'ok I'll probably go.'  Then I got home today and almost forgot and I wasn't sure if I should go.  But I was starting to feel that feeling that I felt on Friday right before I left for youth which led me to a divine appointment, the same one that I felt right before I left fellowship for the city for a night with friends which first led me to a divine appointment.  I've felt that feeling often so I HAD to go and it HAD to be then.  Every so often I stopped for things - I stopped to give a kiss to a sister in Christ (divine appointment #1).  I stopped to give a guy directions (divine appointment #2).  I stopped to look in a few grocery / fruit & veggie stores for honey dew (didn't find it but it wasn't an emergency - but it WAS part of God's PERFECT timing).  I finally got to the blood bus and they said I was the last one before they took a break.  I was really tempted to let the lady after me go first but God was like "No. I know you want to be nice, but you are here for this moment for a purpose. Let them take you first." And I was thinking, "Ok I guess somebody needs this blood. Thank You God that I can give this blood to someone who needs it.  Thank You for healing me and keeping me so I can be healthy enough to donate...." And I'm figuring that's why God had me there.  And I was even getting antsy kuz I wanted to get home to my family (my nephew was over) and I felt bad I wouldnt be able to hold him but I just KNEW there was something.  Then as I'm sitting having a snack and I look over at the driver.  He's reading a magazine.  And I'm like: What if he were reading like "The Battlefield of the Mind?"  If he was a Christian it would be perfect for him to have this job kuz he could just read aaallll day...  And then I was like: I should tell him "Jesus loves you" and then run and leave lol.  I started thinking a few things: 1) What if I'm in the flesh and I just want to tell people just ... idk just to tell them.  But I realized, even if that is the case, what's the harm, really, in telling people Jesus loves them. 2) Why is it so stinking hard for me/us Christians to tell people about Jesus.  If we truly believe what we claim to believe, shouldn't we be shouting it from the rooftops and not caring if anyone thinks we're crazy???  I know Jesus loves me and I know that He loved that guy and I know that He is healer and friend.... I started feeling the same feeling that led me there in the first place.  And I started laughing to myself (and trying to catch my breath - even wondering if this was a reaction to the blood draw lol) and asking God "um....was this why you wanted me to donate and at this time?"  So I started looking at the time and saying: I have to leave around 6:02 (I had to stay there for about ten minutes).  So I'm like: "Ok.  A few more minutes, then I'll get up, turn around as I get to the store and I guess tell the guy...." And then he gets up and leaves.  And I start freaking out that I'm gonna miss my chance but I was also glad kuz I was like: He's probably just outside taking a break/smoking a cigarette or something (he wasnt smoking btw).  So I go outside (it was almost 6:02. 6pm to be exact if I'm not mistaken) and I look for him and then I see him and I say "Jesus loves you."  And he didn't hear me so he asked what I said so I said, "I said Jesus loves you."  And I think he said something else like that u or smthg and I said "just don't forget that ok? He loves you." We were walking the same direction.  I was omw to the train and he said he was taking down the signs kuz the blood drive was over, they just took their last donor. And then he said, "Well I hope He loves me kuz nobody else does."  I said, "Yeah people may treat you like crap but Jesus is right there waiting for u" or smthg to that affect.  Then he said, "I hope He loves you too" or "He loves you too" and I'm like: "I know He does.  That's why I'm able to tell you that He loves you too."  And he said God bless you and I left rejoicing and humbled.  

People, do we not know what the Lord has placed in us?  That if we listen to and obey His voice He will use us as vessels.  Kuz yes God speaks in many ways and God is everywhere but He needs a voice to speak through and feet to walk with and hands to use.  We don't know what people are going through and sometimes it seems so cliche to say "Jesus loves you" or it seems silly or whatever but you know what - what would've happened if I hadn't told that guy about Jesus.  I had no idea he needed that.  That could've changed his life.  That could've been the only love that he's received recently or will receive for a while or ever.  That could've been the straw that broke the camel's back (or this man's heart) and opened him up to receive Jesus, hope, salvation!  

It just broke my heart in a way because I know how it feels to feel unloved or unlovable and yet.....I know what God has done for me....even though I forget sometimes or I can't quite grasp it.......

People, we may be going through things but we know who Jesus is, right?  And it's not even about us.  It's about God in us and it's about others.  And there are people who maybe need the reminder more than we do or maybe never knew and it's just amazing and humbling and a lil scary to think that we can be used by God to minister life to them.  There is a dying world out there and we have the gift of life - through Jesus Christ, of course.  

 

Value

So, I'm looking at my senior ring, and I'm thinking: Dang...this was expensive. It's gold and it has a garnet I think or a ruby in the middle (something red lol) and two CUTE LITTLE diamonds on the sides as the "face" of flowers. So beautiful yet so expensive. And I'm like: why?? lol. They're so tiny. LoL. And I realized it's because they're rare/unique and it takes a lot to make it. It takes a lot OF FIRE! And I'm, like, stunned. To think that my value is found in the very things that I've always felt depleted my self-worth! Only God...

*Something to get through my head*
- I'm rare. 
- It's taken me a long time and a lot of hard work to get me to be who I am today.
- I've been refined in the fire.
- i. am. valuable.

(AND SO ARE YOU!) <3 

Be Ready!

Just had an interesting experience on yahoo pool and I wanted to blog it so I don't forget...

I usually don't like going on yahoo pool. There are a lot of ppl there that just want to "flirt." In fact one person invited me to a room and asked if I wanted to flirt. I said, "No. I'm just here to play pool." And I left. But this other guy...we started talking and he said he needed a girl to cuddle with to fall asleep and I felt led to tell him he doesn't need a girl. And it turns out he was a Christian but he had a very distorted view of God and salvation. I told him politely that what he was saying wasn't really biblical but he didn't want to hear it and he left. I don't think I did the wrong thing. Sometimes we need to be bold enough to gently correct people. I knew I just had to say something. I don't know if he received it but I pray he did. People, we never know when God is going to use us. I'm grateful I had the desire to play pool and I took the chance to talk to someone and I was able to try and speak truth and life to him. We have to be ready in and out of season. And, it goes to show that we need to really know the Word because we only have a limited time to defend our God or ourselves or our point of view and we need to be able to back up our answers with scripture. Unfortunately he left before I could find the exact verse I was looking for but who knows, I believe the seed was at least planted. Maybe he'll be hungry and go to the Word and seek it for himself and discover the truth. The bible also says we entertain angels every day so who knows if that was like a test....

I'm just so in awe of God. And I do pray that that person and all those who are confused by false doctrine would figure out the truth because the truth will set them free.

Also, it's interesting because I found myself encouraging him in areas where I also lately have needed encouragement. It was an opportunity for me to speak in faith / build my faith for my own situations as well. 

(And I won about half of the games :P)