Gleaning

No one is a lone soldier. I'm so thankful for the people God has surrounded me with in this season of my life - people who love me, restore me, teach me, and help me grow. For years I've run from people and run from my calling, feeling like I shouldn't or couldn't be around them because I was not as mature as them or struggled with things they probably didn't struggled with or I wasn't as committed as them or couldn't do things that they did. I came up with all sorts of excuses as to why I should be disqualified. Sometimes I probably disqualified other people too in the past. But now I have peace knowing that we all go through things and everyone's walk is different and that's ok. No one can judge anyone; no one is perfect and we can't say that one person is better than the next. It's just we may go through different things or handle things differently. They have learned certain lessons that I still need to learn and maybe I've learned a few that they could stand to understand. I am able to glean from them. And it's not like: "God I wanna pray how she prays. I wanna sing how she sings. I wanna study as much as him." It's "hey, they went through this, that, and the third, and they are still completely devoted to you. Hey, this person is going through a lot but she fights through it with prayer. That person sings their heart out and it's pure and she presses through. Man, did you see how that person prayed with FAITH believing for the impossible? And did you see how God acted on her behalf?" I am beginning to know and understand the calling of God on my life and so God has surrounded me with people who, I don't have to be carbon copies of but who I can learn from. And God has also shown me that even though I may not be as "mature" as other people (and in a lot of ways, yeah, I am still immature. I still have a lot to learn and surrender and grow and develop and develop discipline in) I still have something to offer. 

I have come a long way and sometimes I want to just RUN because it seems overwhelming, because I never thought I could be here, because I'm afraid of what the future holds and the cost of following God and growing in God. But He works all things out for my good and I want to be bold and courageous and I want to go to the grave EMPTY. I want to fulfill every plan that God has for me. 

One of the main things that I've had to do is learn to validate myself. Some people validate me and some people put me down (not even meaning to). I've been learning, however, that the important thing is that God validates me, affirms me and gives me the STRENGTH, to look myself in the mirror and say "I am ....." (and fill in the blank with the things that He has called me to be). 

David started as a shepherd and his brothers always saw him as a shepherd and he probably saw himself as a shepherd. But he learned to rely on God and seek God and trust God and obey God. He learned to see himself as a worshiper and as a mighty man of God, a man after God's own heart. 

Abraham was old. He and Noah both had to WAIT for the promise of God to be fulfilled. They and Hannah probably felt like God had forgotten them or forgotten what He had promised. Sometimes the process is slow but other times God acts SUDDENLY. God can redeem the time that it takes while things or people are being prepared. And not a moment is wasted. God called a lot of people when they were young and he called a lot of people when they were old. No matter what season we are in life, God can use us. It's not too late to turn to God or be used by God. 

Those that really know me know that I am called the Butterfly. It represents the transformation that God has done in my life. I used to be so shy. I went through a FIGHT for my SOUL. I still fight, probably every day, but I have gotten stronger and bolder. And it comes from getting closer to God and surrendering more and more of my heart to Him. I am not the same person I was when I came to Christ and the person you see today, you will not see after a while ... well some things will remain the same (my passion, my heart, my curiosity, my intelligence, my shoulders and collarbone [haha...inside joke], my eyes and eyelashes lol, my gift of language and writing, etc). But there will be things that will grow (my prayer life, my devotion to God, my boldness, my humility, etc.) and there will be things that will be pruned away (my need for control, my stubbornness, my fear, etc). To God be the glory. He prunes that which bears fruit to bear more fruit and He disciplines those He loves.