Words of Life

I kept getting phone calls from the NY Blood Center that there was a blood drive coming up today.  So finally I told them 'ok I'll probably go.'  Then I got home today and almost forgot and I wasn't sure if I should go.  But I was starting to feel that feeling that I felt on Friday right before I left for youth which led me to a divine appointment, the same one that I felt right before I left fellowship for the city for a night with friends which first led me to a divine appointment.  I've felt that feeling often so I HAD to go and it HAD to be then.  Every so often I stopped for things - I stopped to give a kiss to a sister in Christ (divine appointment #1).  I stopped to give a guy directions (divine appointment #2).  I stopped to look in a few grocery / fruit & veggie stores for honey dew (didn't find it but it wasn't an emergency - but it WAS part of God's PERFECT timing).  I finally got to the blood bus and they said I was the last one before they took a break.  I was really tempted to let the lady after me go first but God was like "No. I know you want to be nice, but you are here for this moment for a purpose. Let them take you first." And I was thinking, "Ok I guess somebody needs this blood. Thank You God that I can give this blood to someone who needs it.  Thank You for healing me and keeping me so I can be healthy enough to donate...." And I'm figuring that's why God had me there.  And I was even getting antsy kuz I wanted to get home to my family (my nephew was over) and I felt bad I wouldnt be able to hold him but I just KNEW there was something.  Then as I'm sitting having a snack and I look over at the driver.  He's reading a magazine.  And I'm like: What if he were reading like "The Battlefield of the Mind?"  If he was a Christian it would be perfect for him to have this job kuz he could just read aaallll day...  And then I was like: I should tell him "Jesus loves you" and then run and leave lol.  I started thinking a few things: 1) What if I'm in the flesh and I just want to tell people just ... idk just to tell them.  But I realized, even if that is the case, what's the harm, really, in telling people Jesus loves them. 2) Why is it so stinking hard for me/us Christians to tell people about Jesus.  If we truly believe what we claim to believe, shouldn't we be shouting it from the rooftops and not caring if anyone thinks we're crazy???  I know Jesus loves me and I know that He loved that guy and I know that He is healer and friend.... I started feeling the same feeling that led me there in the first place.  And I started laughing to myself (and trying to catch my breath - even wondering if this was a reaction to the blood draw lol) and asking God "um....was this why you wanted me to donate and at this time?"  So I started looking at the time and saying: I have to leave around 6:02 (I had to stay there for about ten minutes).  So I'm like: "Ok.  A few more minutes, then I'll get up, turn around as I get to the store and I guess tell the guy...." And then he gets up and leaves.  And I start freaking out that I'm gonna miss my chance but I was also glad kuz I was like: He's probably just outside taking a break/smoking a cigarette or something (he wasnt smoking btw).  So I go outside (it was almost 6:02. 6pm to be exact if I'm not mistaken) and I look for him and then I see him and I say "Jesus loves you."  And he didn't hear me so he asked what I said so I said, "I said Jesus loves you."  And I think he said something else like that u or smthg and I said "just don't forget that ok? He loves you." We were walking the same direction.  I was omw to the train and he said he was taking down the signs kuz the blood drive was over, they just took their last donor. And then he said, "Well I hope He loves me kuz nobody else does."  I said, "Yeah people may treat you like crap but Jesus is right there waiting for u" or smthg to that affect.  Then he said, "I hope He loves you too" or "He loves you too" and I'm like: "I know He does.  That's why I'm able to tell you that He loves you too."  And he said God bless you and I left rejoicing and humbled.  

People, do we not know what the Lord has placed in us?  That if we listen to and obey His voice He will use us as vessels.  Kuz yes God speaks in many ways and God is everywhere but He needs a voice to speak through and feet to walk with and hands to use.  We don't know what people are going through and sometimes it seems so cliche to say "Jesus loves you" or it seems silly or whatever but you know what - what would've happened if I hadn't told that guy about Jesus.  I had no idea he needed that.  That could've changed his life.  That could've been the only love that he's received recently or will receive for a while or ever.  That could've been the straw that broke the camel's back (or this man's heart) and opened him up to receive Jesus, hope, salvation!  

It just broke my heart in a way because I know how it feels to feel unloved or unlovable and yet.....I know what God has done for me....even though I forget sometimes or I can't quite grasp it.......

People, we may be going through things but we know who Jesus is, right?  And it's not even about us.  It's about God in us and it's about others.  And there are people who maybe need the reminder more than we do or maybe never knew and it's just amazing and humbling and a lil scary to think that we can be used by God to minister life to them.  There is a dying world out there and we have the gift of life - through Jesus Christ, of course.  

 

Value

So, I'm looking at my senior ring, and I'm thinking: Dang...this was expensive. It's gold and it has a garnet I think or a ruby in the middle (something red lol) and two CUTE LITTLE diamonds on the sides as the "face" of flowers. So beautiful yet so expensive. And I'm like: why?? lol. They're so tiny. LoL. And I realized it's because they're rare/unique and it takes a lot to make it. It takes a lot OF FIRE! And I'm, like, stunned. To think that my value is found in the very things that I've always felt depleted my self-worth! Only God...

*Something to get through my head*
- I'm rare. 
- It's taken me a long time and a lot of hard work to get me to be who I am today.
- I've been refined in the fire.
- i. am. valuable.

(AND SO ARE YOU!) <3 

Be Ready!

Just had an interesting experience on yahoo pool and I wanted to blog it so I don't forget...

I usually don't like going on yahoo pool. There are a lot of ppl there that just want to "flirt." In fact one person invited me to a room and asked if I wanted to flirt. I said, "No. I'm just here to play pool." And I left. But this other guy...we started talking and he said he needed a girl to cuddle with to fall asleep and I felt led to tell him he doesn't need a girl. And it turns out he was a Christian but he had a very distorted view of God and salvation. I told him politely that what he was saying wasn't really biblical but he didn't want to hear it and he left. I don't think I did the wrong thing. Sometimes we need to be bold enough to gently correct people. I knew I just had to say something. I don't know if he received it but I pray he did. People, we never know when God is going to use us. I'm grateful I had the desire to play pool and I took the chance to talk to someone and I was able to try and speak truth and life to him. We have to be ready in and out of season. And, it goes to show that we need to really know the Word because we only have a limited time to defend our God or ourselves or our point of view and we need to be able to back up our answers with scripture. Unfortunately he left before I could find the exact verse I was looking for but who knows, I believe the seed was at least planted. Maybe he'll be hungry and go to the Word and seek it for himself and discover the truth. The bible also says we entertain angels every day so who knows if that was like a test....

I'm just so in awe of God. And I do pray that that person and all those who are confused by false doctrine would figure out the truth because the truth will set them free.

Also, it's interesting because I found myself encouraging him in areas where I also lately have needed encouragement. It was an opportunity for me to speak in faith / build my faith for my own situations as well. 

(And I won about half of the games :P)

Power in the Name of God - Draw Near

Last night was one of those times when I felt so far away from God.  I was lying in bed awake and just felt profoundly lonely and as all these horrible thoughts came to mind I realized that I've allowed my mind and my heart to get distracted and bruised and far from God.  But this morning I read my devotionals and one of them was about calling on the names of God.  As I read the names and descriptions of God out loud, I felt so close to Him.  I felt some of the bitterness go away and the anxiety and sadness dissipate.  I felt joy and peace arise - a peace and joy that were always there and that in the depth of me I felt last night though I was so afraid but the circumstances were blocking me from fully grasping that.  But as my faith overrode my fear I felt such a release.  Truly there is power in the name of God.  I realized what it was - I drew near to God and the Bible says in James 4:8 - "Draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you."

Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego

Tonight we read the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fire.  I've read it a million times but tonight the speaker said something so very poignant that it lead me to repentance and worship.  Those three Jewish boys trusted their God even though they hadn't seen His hand move.  They had just had their town and temple ransacked.  They were a scattered people in captivity.  It almost seemed like God had forsaken them and yet they still trusted God so much that they were willing to be thrown into the fire for Him.  They didn't try to defend themselves because they trusted that God was their defender and deliverer.  They didn't give in to fear or idolatry.  They also loved God so much that previously to this they had done a fast (with Daniel).  It had never dawned on me before.  All this stuff that they'd been through yet they still had every reason to trust and love God.  So then, what right do I have to doubt, to not trust, to put something or someone above God?  What right do I have to get angry with Him and allow my circumstances or fear or emotions to steal the worship and glory of God?  What right do I have when I KNOW GOD!?  I've seen His mighty hand personally in my life.  Oh to have the faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego....

A lot of times I wonder if this process is worth it.  I don't seem to be getting answers (or...answers that I deem acceptable lol).  And I worry that I'm opening a can of worms.  And I'm confused as to why things are going this way.  But I have to be aware that even if what I want to happen doesn't happen, there have been many blessings I've given and received along the way so I need to be grateful. 

Today I heard myself saying out loud "I can see it. I can see it." Even though in the physical I couldn't see it somewhere in my spirit I could see it.  That's faith!  The speaking out is the act of faith.  I spoke it into the atmosphere because I don't need to see a visual physical representation of something to see it.  The faith, the word that God gave me, His promise, that's all I need.  

Seeing is NOT believing.  Why?  I was reminded of this tonight.  I prayed based on what I believed the Spirit was telling me and then what I saw didn't line up with what I prayed but that's okay because I don't know everything that's going on.  I don't know what's going on in peoples' lives or minds.  I just have to believe that I heard the Spirit of God and prayed appropriately.  

Suddenly I'm reminded of what was said on Wednesday at the orientationthingy at Nyack - "You'll never know until eternity how much you've helped someone".  You can always choose to be afraid but you can always choose to trust in the abilities that God gives you.  It's not me, it's God in me and it's God in that person.  Who am I to judge?