On Giving Gifts: A Christmas Reflection

Reflecting on this Christmas and of course, you know, I gotta bring God into it. Why? Because that's how God speaks to me, through everyday situations. 

So, in my family, we usually make lists of what we want and give them to the family so we know what to get each toher. I was reflecting on the fact that every gift I got this year was so thoughtful. It was based on what my friends and family knew I liked or needed or would be interested in. I got some things that were not on my list and some items I got multiples of lol. 

It made me think of God. The scriptures that come to mind are: Luke 11:13, James 1:17 and Ephesians 3:20.

^"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."

Oh, also it reminds me of Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." 

and James 4:2 "You do not have, because you do not ask."


 

Cleaning Process

A quick post about something God showed me today. Love these times when He quiets me with His love.

I was vacuuming today and I kept having to go over the same spot over and over again. That either happens when I haven't vacuumed in a while or if the dirt has been there for a while. Well God showed me that's how it is with me and others sometimes. I feel bad at times when I have to go revisit the same things I thought I was done with. But God was showing me, it's hard work, you have to be kind of forceful...if you're gentle it takes longer too, and the thing is there are some deep-seated issues that are going to have to be worked out...with pressure and commitment and strength and consistency...it's ok!

Some of Tonight's Teaching

Tonight while worshiping God showed me my heart. Recently He showed me one of the problems with my heart, one of the lies that I had believed for so so so so long. He showed me tonight how that was affecting me today. He truly quiets me with His love (Zephaniah 3:17). Aye aye aye. And all I could do was pray that He would help me walk out this freedom (because His truth sets me free...John 8:32) in day to day life. I feel how necessary this healing is. A deep healing because that lie infests my mind and shapes my behavior and God has been pointing out little by little, because I've asked Him to, where the issue manifests. Praise God.

Then Pastor Eugene stated that no matter what happened this year, nothing can stop the plans of God in/for your life. Not only was this confirmation of a piece of writing I've been working on, but this applies directly to me because I know I've made a lot of mistakes in this year (every year, every day, but you know, I feel like some things really hit me hard) and I beat myself up over it sometimes. And sometimes I ask myself if things would've been different and if I stopped or hindered or changed the plans God had for me. But He consistently reminds me that His will, will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Oh for the faith and grace to believe that, to forgive myself, and to walk in that.

He said that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. And sometimes we stay stuck in yesterday and we don't realize Jesus was there and He is still here and He is still doing a work in us. I loved that! He really broke it down. I didn't think of it like that, that Jesus was there yesterday and He is in our today and He will be in our tomorrow. God is so so good. 

I have more to say but I'm going to put it in the next blog because it does not completely pertain to the same theme as this, though it has to do with tonight. I next want to share something that the Lord showed me, personally, in my own situation. I hope you can be encouraged and ministered to...

Psalm 40:1-10 and Psalm 30:6-7 - A personal story

Been looking for this psalm for the longest now...I've heard it so often...I forgot where it was but finally tonight I remembered and it was as if I had known it all along. Guess tonight was the night to find it :)

This is one portion of scripture that represents my life.

I can't even express the depth and darkness and sliminess of the pit that I was in. But He lifted me up above my circumstances, above my sickness, above my sin, and He brought me to a place where I could be secure. I am only secure in Him. Lately I've been meditating on Psalm 30, which is another psalm about God's salvation and deliverance, but I've been meditating on verses 6-7 where it says "Now as for me, I said in my prosperity, 'I will never be moved.' O LORD, by Your favor You have made my mountain to stand strong; You hid Your face, I was dismayed.…" Later David testifies that the LORD heard his cry and had mercy and helped him. I'm reminded that I cannot do this on my own. Without God, I shutter to think where I would be right now. I would not have met such amazing people. I would probably not be connected to the loving family and friends that I have. I would not have been able to go to school, graduate with honors and become a counselor. 

Now Psalm 40 continues in verse 3 "He has put a new song of praise in my mouth." The enemy has ALWAYS tried to steal my worship. BUT GOD!!! He has truly allowed me to worship. It is a privilege and an honor to worship God and it is warfare. At times it has not been easy but the more I focus on God the easier it becomes to praise Him. I can't even begin to express the power in praise and worship. 

The second part of that verse says that "Many will see and fear the LorD and put their trust in him." Oh Lord, how I believe and pray that this is true. I know it is because I have already been told by various people that I inspire them. All glory to God and that is what it is all about. It's all worth it to be able to show people that God is real and that God heals and that what He did for me He can do for them. I would not wish my past on anyone. And I still have some residue for God to clean up. But I am believing that "Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in Him."

Verse 4 - Oh I have been known to idolize things, people, behaviors, etc. I've turned to people instead of God but God always has a way of bringing me back. 

Verse 5 - Yes, yes, yes. I can never fully describe all the wonders He has done. Oh man...so many things; so many things. 

Verse 6-8 - God has changed my heart so that now my desire is to please him and to stay connected with His heart. I am learning that it is not about what I do or resist doing; living this Christian life is a matter of the heart. It's saying: "God, I want to do your will and not mine." The phrase "My ears you have opened" indicates commitment. In the days of the bible, people used to have their masters pierce (put a hook through) their ears to show that they were committed to them. So I'm saying "God, I'm Yours."

 Verse 9-10 - When God has done something amazing it is natural that you should, usually, want to declare the works of the Lord. At times I've been ashamed of my past and there are still things that are sometimes painful to talk about, but it is important to share these things because I KNOW that I am not the only one to have gone through those things. Some things are not going to be as bad as what others have gone through and some things might be worse. Depends on the person. But we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). God has taken away my shame and guilt and there is someone who needs to hear my story <3.

And then in Verses 11-15 and 17 bring it back...David had experienced deliverance but then he faced ANOTHER situation where he needed God. I reflect on my current situations...but what I'm thankful for is that in the beginning of this psalm, David remembers the good things that God had already done. This is how he can encourage himself. And this is how I can believe that He will deliver me from this situation as well....He's done it before and maybe in a lot of ways that situation was even worse!! This, I can handle this...I feel like I can't at times but I have to remember all His benefits (Psalm 103) and how He has been there for me through EVERYTHING and how He has always been mighty to save. And, now I know Him. I have an added buffer, an added strength and fortitude, added wisdom and power. God has always been with me, but NOW, I am with GOD! NOW, we are ONE and that makes ALL the difference. I can testify to that! .... Now I know how to pray, now I know how to worship, now I know how to fight. I can overcome anything with the help and grace and will of the Lord.

In Verse 16 David cries out on behalf of everyone and so I end this blog by praying that "all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, 'The Lord is great!' just as I have been able to do. <3

Gleaning

No one is a lone soldier. I'm so thankful for the people God has surrounded me with in this season of my life - people who love me, restore me, teach me, and help me grow. For years I've run from people and run from my calling, feeling like I shouldn't or couldn't be around them because I was not as mature as them or struggled with things they probably didn't struggled with or I wasn't as committed as them or couldn't do things that they did. I came up with all sorts of excuses as to why I should be disqualified. Sometimes I probably disqualified other people too in the past. But now I have peace knowing that we all go through things and everyone's walk is different and that's ok. No one can judge anyone; no one is perfect and we can't say that one person is better than the next. It's just we may go through different things or handle things differently. They have learned certain lessons that I still need to learn and maybe I've learned a few that they could stand to understand. I am able to glean from them. And it's not like: "God I wanna pray how she prays. I wanna sing how she sings. I wanna study as much as him." It's "hey, they went through this, that, and the third, and they are still completely devoted to you. Hey, this person is going through a lot but she fights through it with prayer. That person sings their heart out and it's pure and she presses through. Man, did you see how that person prayed with FAITH believing for the impossible? And did you see how God acted on her behalf?" I am beginning to know and understand the calling of God on my life and so God has surrounded me with people who, I don't have to be carbon copies of but who I can learn from. And God has also shown me that even though I may not be as "mature" as other people (and in a lot of ways, yeah, I am still immature. I still have a lot to learn and surrender and grow and develop and develop discipline in) I still have something to offer. 

I have come a long way and sometimes I want to just RUN because it seems overwhelming, because I never thought I could be here, because I'm afraid of what the future holds and the cost of following God and growing in God. But He works all things out for my good and I want to be bold and courageous and I want to go to the grave EMPTY. I want to fulfill every plan that God has for me. 

One of the main things that I've had to do is learn to validate myself. Some people validate me and some people put me down (not even meaning to). I've been learning, however, that the important thing is that God validates me, affirms me and gives me the STRENGTH, to look myself in the mirror and say "I am ....." (and fill in the blank with the things that He has called me to be). 

David started as a shepherd and his brothers always saw him as a shepherd and he probably saw himself as a shepherd. But he learned to rely on God and seek God and trust God and obey God. He learned to see himself as a worshiper and as a mighty man of God, a man after God's own heart. 

Abraham was old. He and Noah both had to WAIT for the promise of God to be fulfilled. They and Hannah probably felt like God had forgotten them or forgotten what He had promised. Sometimes the process is slow but other times God acts SUDDENLY. God can redeem the time that it takes while things or people are being prepared. And not a moment is wasted. God called a lot of people when they were young and he called a lot of people when they were old. No matter what season we are in life, God can use us. It's not too late to turn to God or be used by God. 

Those that really know me know that I am called the Butterfly. It represents the transformation that God has done in my life. I used to be so shy. I went through a FIGHT for my SOUL. I still fight, probably every day, but I have gotten stronger and bolder. And it comes from getting closer to God and surrendering more and more of my heart to Him. I am not the same person I was when I came to Christ and the person you see today, you will not see after a while ... well some things will remain the same (my passion, my heart, my curiosity, my intelligence, my shoulders and collarbone [haha...inside joke], my eyes and eyelashes lol, my gift of language and writing, etc). But there will be things that will grow (my prayer life, my devotion to God, my boldness, my humility, etc.) and there will be things that will be pruned away (my need for control, my stubbornness, my fear, etc). To God be the glory. He prunes that which bears fruit to bear more fruit and He disciplines those He loves.

Boasting in my Weaknesses

2 Corinthians 12:5-10
⁵ I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. ⁶ Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, ⁷ or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I get weary at times and I get discouraged. But what helps is changing my perspective from complaining to praising. Like it happened today. I could be upset by my weaknesses or I can choose to thank God...Last night I told God I would praise Him even if He didn't heal me, just like the three Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3:17-18. It's a hard thing to pray and something I have to remind myself of daily. And then today, I was upset about certain things that I'm struggling with but I also thanked God. He knows where I'm weak and He makes up for it. I could not live without Him. He provides for everything I need in order to live this life for Him and be successful. I'm thankful because He only lets the fire hit us but so much. And, He is always with me, wherever I am. I really do have to call out to Him all the time.

 I'm like: God I can't do this. But He reminds me,, "No you can't. You can't do it alone but I can help you." If I focus on what I struggle with I stay stuck there but if I say "God help me" He brings me what I need, even if it's just for the moment. 

Spirit vs Flesh

My spirit asks, like the Psalmist in Psalm 42:2 "When can I go to meet with God?". My spirit pants for God like a deer pants for living water (Psalm 42:1). But my flesh longs for something else. My flesh quotes Psalm 139:7 "Where can I go to hide from your Spirit" but not in a good way. There is a battle between my flesh and my spirit. We both hear the spirit of God moving in the garden. The difference is: my flesh is ashamed of its nakedness, while my spirit acknowledges that it is clothed with Christ. 

My spirit longs for God but my flesh is afraid. My spirit finds life in Christ, my flesh encounters death. Both my spirit and my flesh are hungry. And the Bible tells me in Galatians 5:16-17 that if I walk in the spirit I won't satisfy the flesh. Kuz the flesh and the spirit are against each other. And if I keep giving in to the flesh it is only satisfied temporarily and then it wants more and more than I can give it and it will only lead me to more sins. It'll lead me to say, as I was sharing with someone the other day, "Let's go deeper down the rabbit hole. I'm already here, might as well see what else is down here and how far it goes". No bueno. 

Interesting too, this scripture says that if you're led by the spirit, you're not under the law. It confirms what Paul says to the Corinthians in 2 Corinthians 3:6: He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. If I walk in the spirit I don't have to worry about being perfect. Because we all fall short but all are freely justified in Christ.

Jesus exhorted his disciples in Matthew 26:41 - "Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Oh but I think at times, the problem is that the FLESH is too strong. Well, really it's the temptation that's strong. So yeah, in that sense, the flesh is weak. Paul says in Romans 7:23 that "there is a war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me." In the following verse he says that his flesh is subject to death. Again it confirms, if I walk in the flesh I can only expect to find death. Indeed, the flesh is weak. The flesh does not want to fight back..well, rather, it wants to fight back but, of course, it's not suicidal. It does not want to fight against itself. It does not want to yield to God. Rather, the flesh wants to satisfy itself and run from God. As was previously mentioned, the flesh is at war with the spirit. LOL, the brother that was ministering tonight said something so interesting and profound; I loved the way he described Romans 12:1-2. I'm supposed to offer my body as a sacrifice, right? Well he pointed out, we are supposed to offer our bodies as LIVING sacrifices. LOL, he said "That sacrifice wants to jump off the altar". See most sacrifices were dead when they offered them. But the flesh is feisty. It's not stupid; it knows its fate. It's like when Abraham was gonna sacrifice his son and his son said 'Hey dad, I see the firewood and all but where's the sacrifice.' My flesh is like, "Hey Jess, I smell burning...what's cooking and why is it so hot in here? Why am I sweating? Hmm?" (LoL. The way God talks to me...) 

As someone pointed out tonight, til the day we die we're gonna be fighting this flesh. The thing is, it really does have to do with the mind. I have to decide that living for God in every area of my life is more important and worth it than trying to satisfy my flesh. And I have to decide that God in me is capable of helping me overcome. I have to truly believe that His word is true that says that "It is for freedom that Christ set you free" and thus choose to "not be burdened again by the yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5).