Ready for Breakthrough

A broken heart is a good thing, in this case.  The pain is not new, it's just only now being confessed and dealt with.  For months and months, maybe even more than a year, a little at a time, I closed myself off.  Even though I was "there" I wasn't really THERE.  You know what I mean?  I could be at a fellowship, crowded church service, home, school...I could get hugs, prayers, love, affection...and still feel ten miles away from it all, not really part of it, nor wanting to be a part of it.  When I was alone, or felt alone, I said I didn't care.  I didn't care when I didn't hear from my friends.  I didn't care when no one responded to my texts, emails, phone calls, statuses.  I didn't care when no one reached out or didn't reach out the way I wanted or didn't understand.  But really, all these situations, even those that were intended to be a blessing and not offensive, no matter what the situation I chose to seal myself off.  And each occasion I could find I would run and hide from "love".  These instances were really just chain after chain, root after root binding and blocking my heart and my mind.  

Well...praise God...He didn't quit on me and He didn't let me get too far that I couldn't find my way back.  And I'm blessed to say I'm on my way "home."  I know because last night, I started to really miss it.  I miss being connected with people.  I miss the fellowship of the heart.  I miss the touch of God.  I have it, of course, but it's not the same as it was, you know?  Well this brokenness, emptiness, longing in my heart was a good thing because NOW God can move!  Now God can fix me up.  I'm ready.  I'm ready.  I'm ready.  

Today's summit was another part of the healing process.  I was confronted by truth and by love today.  And it felt GOOOD!  It was hard because all these memories and feelings came up but it was good to once again be in the presence of my sisters and it was good to know that I'm on the road to victory.  I feel like this is all going to be resolved...sooner or later...when the time is right...

Now I'm just praying about what's next but I think I know.  I think God gave me a word last night and it was confirmed to me today.  

<3