So THERE You Were!

So many thoughts racing through my head

It makes me wanna scream!

I need closure!

But what I really need … is to draw closer.

I need You Lord.

I need You to scream the truth at me.

Make it loud and clear.

But though I can’t really hear You I know You’re still here.

You told me to stand on this mountain and here on this mountain I stand.

The wind comes and makes my heart cold.

And I don’t sense Your warm embrace today.

But God You promised to be with me when I was young and when I get old.

So I stand and wait for You.

The earth quakes.

It shakes and it shakes me and I almost fall but I’m waiting…

Waiting for Your call

Because You promised.

But…You’re not “here.”

Then comes the fire.

I’m burnin Lord and ragin’ and where are You?

See I expected You to just jump out at me. 

See I know You were in the wind when the Israelites were crossing the river.

And I know You split the rock and put Moses in there.

And I know You were with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when they were in the fire.

So why are You not here with me now?

I scream accusations.

Like Hannah I keep on begging.

Like the persistent widow I won’t back down.

Like David I lament.

Like the Israelites I complain and moan and pout and cry…

And then…

It’s in the midst of this moment that I hear You.

Sometimes You speak loudest in a whisper.

Because when You whisper we have to silence ourselves.

So God help me silence myself

And hear from You.

For You’re a gentleman.

And You know me.

You know what I need and how to speak to me.

You don’t have to shout – the devil can hear you clear enough.

You don’t have to pound Your fists or stamp Your feet – You know I’ve had enough of chaos.

I am not Your enemy but Your lover.

You want to whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

Nothings that mean everything whenever I can hear.

So silence me Lord.

Be still my heart and take comfort.

Open my eyes that I can see Your provision.

Forgive me God kuz I’m so eager to hear…

And hear what I want to hear …

That sometimes I push it…

And I’m so expectant that I try to seek You in a particular place in a particular way

Maybe not realizing You’re seeking me and waiting to get MY attention.

Ahh…God…give me patience and help me not take matters into my own hands.

Now is a time I really need to wait on and trust in You…